Chapter 1
Does anyone else remember those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books? Well, that's what I've decided to mimic here. This is the beginning of a serialized story, and you will help me with the plot. Just leave your comments about anything (what you want to happen next, who the characters will be, etc.) and I will pick one to work into the story. Thanks to my friend Joe for giving me the idea.
They were in a small, damp place, as far as they could tell. It was so dark, they couldn't be sure. But their hands were within the reach of the walls on every side. They wanted to speak, to reassure one another that they would get out in time, but they already felt their lungs constricting in the effort to breathe. The darkness was so complete, she didn't notice he had fainted. But then she felt him slump next to her and she knew there was no time left.
But there was. Minutes, hours, days, she couldn't be sure. Time became something only for people with enough air to breathe. It was only for those with purpose. To her, time had no measure. Sometimes she felt sick, like the motion was upsetting her stomach. She wanted to sit, to lie down, to sleep, but there was only room to lean. And she was supporting him, trying to make him comfortable, aching for him. Or was the ache just there from the effort to breathe? But she knew it ran deeper than a physical need. Her thoughts drifted to him, as they had done so often in the past. But now it was different. It was urgent. Not just a longing, it was desperation. She was crying, for him, for all she'd lost. Her tongue felt for the tears on her cheek. She just needed to taste, to wet her dry, cracked lips. And then she felt it. The dull thud, and then falling. The movement had stopped.
News!
It is now quite likely that I will be moving to India. I'm feeling a whole mess of emotions because suddenly it has become real. I'm scared and excited and overwhelmed. I'm dreading leaving my family. I'm nervous to tell my co-workers and boss. And yet, I'm amazed at the peace that I feel in the decision to go (pending certain issues*). I am not adventurous. I like to read about other people having adventures, while in the security and comfort of my own cozy home. But I have never, as far back as I can remember, said no to a challenge. This, I know, will be a challenge for me. But also an opportunity for growth. And that might be the scariest thing of all**.
Happy Father's Day... a bit early
This is a highly personal blog post, but it's just been that kind of week for me. I wasn't even sure if I was going to post it, but as I've said before, when I write, it opens me up to vulnerability and there shouldn't be anything wrong with that.
Dear Daddy,
As Father's Day approaches, I find myself wondering what I could get for you that you would enjoy, but would also convey how much I love you. I thought about getting you a card and writing some sentimental tidbits, all of which would be from my heart, but I feel like I do that every year. I want you to really know what a precious father you have been to me, what an amazing example, and how, even though I'm all grown-up, I still desire your approval, because it means the world to me. That said, even though sometimes I feel left out of your conversations with Ryan, or I start complaining about the rudeness of iPhones at the dinner table, the fact that you love the man I married so much really does make me so happy. Not just because you approve of him, but because of how happy you are to have another man around, who shares many of your interests, and who you love to spend time with. I am so glad that I could give that to you, even if it means endless computer conversations and iPhones at the dinnertable, because I just love you that much.
Don't worry, this doesn't mean no card and gift. But I'm sure you weren't worried. These are just some thoughts that I never wanted to regret not saying.
Related post: True Beauty
Update: Month... whatever
The more I think about my resolutions, the more inadequate I think they are. There are so many other things I should be working on instead, or in addition to. Therefore, I'm done with my resolutions and will now start a new list! (Is this perhaps just an excuse to write another list??) This is inspired by my friend, who just shared a very personal document with me on her life goals. So here we go (in no particular order):
Get down to 145 pounds Become fluent in Spanish Read/listen to the Bible daily Keep family & friends in my prayers Keep in touch with friends/family better Read more & different genres Get master's in English literature Post on blog(s) more regularly Learn to play the guitar Finish my quilt Keep house better
Worry Wart
As long as I can remember, I have been a worrier. When trying to pinpoint when this began, I see my dad bringing me, his 6 year-old daughter, an 80-foot chain ladder to keep under my bed. The idea, he said, was if there was ever a fire, I could throw this ladder over my windowsill and climb down to safety. I was 6, probably about 45 pounds, and I was supposed to throw this 80-foot chain ladder over the window and climb down three stories to safety, meanwhile the house is so engulfed in flames that I can't run down a flight of stairs to the front door to get out.
So the 80-foot chain ladder was put under my bed and I would go to sleep at night praying that there would never be a fire so I didn't have to endeavor lifting that ladder and throwing out the window. And upon turning 10, there was the new element of how I would hold our two new puppies while climbing down the three stories on the chain ladder!
But the 80-foot chain ladder was never moved, and upon my departure to college, it was still there, under my bed, collecting dust. So thank you, Daddy, for taking care of me and wanting me to be safe. And maybe, just maybe, turning me into the worrier I am today!
Verse to Remember
When I am away at these conferences with colleagues, I often find myself wondering whether they know I am a Christian. And if not, should I make more of an effort to let them know? Am I not being a good witness in my actions and my words? Shouldn't other people recognize a Christian by their love, as it says in the Bible, and do others see that love in me? And if it came down to it, would I be bold enough to stand up for what I believe, even if other people find it foolish (or worse yet in this day and age, intolerant)? So tonight, in the Bible place by the Gideons, I looked for verses about being bold. Here is the verse that I have now decided will be the one I will try to remember when I travel for work:
Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you.
-Hebrews 13: 5-6 (The Message)
Movie Review: Baby Mama
I don't feel like writing a formal review of Baby Mama right now, but I did want to share quickly what I thought! It was so funny! I know this movie has created a lot of buzz, as it is one of the very few movies where the two leads are both female. But they carried it very well. It stars Tina Fey (former writer of Saturday Night Live; currently stars on NBC's 30 Rock) as a professional woman who has decided she wants a baby, but finds she cannot conceive; and Amy Poehler (current member of Saturday Night Live) as the surrogate mother she hires to carry her child. The ultimate odd couple, they need to learn to work together during the pregnancy for the good of the baby, with hilarious results, and not to mention a few twists and turns along the way! Go see it if you like SNL and want a good laugh! Actually, you don't even need to like SNL. You'd probably still find the movie funny.
One question I tend to ask myself when evaluating a movie I have just seen is whether my parents would like it and should I recommend it to them. So I'm thinking that will now be a regular feature of my movie reviews.
My official stance on this movie for parents: Dads may not get it. Moms will think it's cute. They will both find it slightly humorous. Probably not as much as me, however (hence the comment about liking SNL).
Why post?
I'm in Washington, DC right now for work (interestingly enough, I am at the same conference I wrote about last year, for which I missed my first wedding anniversary). I'm in my hotel room and feeling slightly lonely. It has me thinking about my job and how this was never what I wanted to do. What did I want to do, I find myself asking. Well, that's easy. I always wanted to write. This got me thinking about this blog and how much I enjoy posting on it. And finally, this got me to the point of this blog post: what is the point of a blog and why do I keep it up? Sometimes when I haven't posted in a while and am feeling pressured, I ask this question and just think "what's the point?" Why do I keep up with something that I have to practically force people to read? It's not as if I have some different perspective than a lot of Joe Schmoes out there blogging, which probably explains my small amount of daily hits.
I don't exactly know the answers to these questions, but I am going to share my musing on the subject. Obviously the first reason is what I have already stated earlier in this post. I enjoy posting! Perhaps this reason alone should be enough for me. I know there are plenty of things that I do everyday that I do only because I enjoy them and never need more explanation than that. I'm not sure why blogging is different. But it is, so my reasons continue.
I remember back in high school our English teacher had us keep journals. He said it was a good way of practicing our writing, getting our ideas down, and I'm pretty sure he even had more reasons than that, but I don't remember! But even so, I figure if he thought journaling was a good exercise, than blogging must be too!
And finally, I do like to keep my family and friends updated with what is going on with my life. Especially for those that I don't talk to very often, I like the idea that if they want to, they can check this blog for my updates or just random musings on different topics. I also like the thought of having all these posts for my children someday, so that they have something to remember me by. It's almost like leaving just a small mark on this world, a small legacy in some way.
So that's what I've come up with. Are these reasons going to be enough for me to continue posting relatively often on this blog? I guess, as I've said before, only time will tell! Keep checking in!
I'm going back to SNL now.
The Swearer
There's a guy here. I call him "The Swearer". He swears every time he picks something up from the color printer (which as you all know is right by my desk). He swears every 15 minutes or so while just sitting at his computer. He's not very creative either; it's always the same two words. At first, I didn't mind it. Then it started happening more and I got annoyed (does he not know I can hear him?!). Then it began happening a lot and it started to be funny, because it's just so ridiculous (I'm sure everyone can hear him!). Now my friend, who I chat with while at work, knows about him too. I put a * into our conversations whenever I hear him so she knows how frequent it is. And we get a good laugh. Maybe I'll tell you about other people who work here someday too. I have names for all of them. There's Crazy and The Pooper and many, many more. We have some real weirdos here.
Waiting to hear...
I get questions almost daily about whether Ryan and I have heard more about the job offer in India. So I just want to get the answer out there for everyone to see: no. We should be hearing any day now, but there are still a lot of questions I need answered before we even think about moving. Here's a preliminary list:
pets/traveling with pets
medical/veterinary care
prescriptions
bugs
housing
Ryan's salary
my job/what would I do?
what exactly does Ryan's company pay for?
what exactly are we responsible for?
how long we must commit to
I think that's it for now. Let me know if there are other things I should be thinking about. I will probably be posting on here shortly after hearing if there is indeed a job offered. So keep checking!
Book Reviews
As many of you know, I keep a spreadsheet of all the books I've read (for the past couple years). I have decided to make that spreadsheet available online for anyone to view. If interested, click here. You can see the shamefully small number of books I've read recently, and my ratings and comments for each. Enjoy!
Book Review: Where Are You Now?
Where Are You Now?Mary Higgins Clark
I have only been truly terrified once from reading a book. Granted, it's probably because I don't read books that I know will scare me. So why did I read that one? Well, it was by one of my favorite mystery/suspense novelists, Mary Higgins Clark. I had read most of her recent ones, so I decided to go back and read her earlier ones. Bad idea. It was A Cry in the Night and I would only recommend it to people who enjoy a good thriller.
All that to say, I have just finished Clark's most recent best-seller, Where Are You Now? and I must say, I was very satisfied. It was scary enough to make me jump when my dog barked into the silence while I read, but not so scary that I had nightmares afterwards. And it certainly was a page-turner. There were two nights in a row that I was up until 2 am, just unable to put the book down!
As with most of Clark's books, the story takes place in Manhattan and follows a 30-something single and professional woman trying to solve a murder. Following Clark's newest trend, it is in the first person of the main character, but then switches into third person as we follow the other story lines throughout the book. Additionally, the first person was written in present tense, and while it did convey a sense of urgency and excitement (which I'm sure was her intent), I found it slightly confusing, especially as she switched between that and past-tense third person. After reading the first few chapters, however, I soon became used to it and settled down for a good read.
Carolyn MacKenzie, a 30-something lawyer living in Manhattan, has finally come to wit's end with her brother, Mack. Mack walked out on his life 10 years previously and was never heard from again. Except, that is, on Mother's Day, when he calls his mother to assure her that he is OK and happy. Carolyn has watched her family fall apart as, year after year, Mack doesn't come home. So this Mother's Day, she vows to Mack that she will find him and make him pay. As Carolyn seeks to find out the truth, there are disappearances around Manhattan and she inadvertently leads the police to believe that Mack is the kidnapper for whom they are searching. Even though she strives to prove that Mack is innocent, she finds herself doubting that to be the case. Soon, however, Carolyn realizes her own life is in danger and she has to rely on the clues she has dug up along the way to save herself and others.
Mary Higgins Clark knows how to plant suspicion in her readers' minds for first one character then another. Early in the book, I found myself saying "Oh, I've figured it out", thinking, you know, that I'm extra-smart and she can't fool me. Several chapters later, I realized that was exactly what she wanted me to believe! I must admit to this having happened more than once through the book, and the ending gave me a thoroughly satisfying surprise.
I believe Where Are You Now? helped to break Mary Higgins Clark's recent formulaic whodunit pattern, and as I said, kept me guessing until the very end. Other than the slight confusion of the past/present tense and first/third person, the book was a thoroughly enjoyable and thrilling read.
Book Review: Death of a Gentle Lady
Death of a Gentle LadyM.C. Beaton
I have just finished reading the latest book in the Hamish Macbeth series, written by M.C. Beaton. Having read the entire series, I was excited too see a new one out, and this one did not disappoint, in most regards. The book, as with all the others, is a captivating mystery and is set in the northernmost tip of Scotland.
Told from mostly Hamish's perspective, I once again fell in love with the village of Lochdubh, for its beauty and for its inhabitants. Hamish's description of the landscape always makes me want to visit the Highlands of Scotland and see the raw beauty that he is so in love with. And so adamently against leaving.
In the book, a gentlewoman, liked by everyone in the village besides Hamish, is found below the cliffs of her castle, murdered. The suspects include her family members, who were all gathered for a reunion, some visitors to Lochdubh staying at the local Tommel Castle Hotel, and even Hamish himself!! Detective Inspector Jimmy Anderson is in charge of the case, to Hamish's relief, and keeps Hamish well-informed of the goings-on. When the police arrest someone, Hamish is not satisfied and takes matters into his own hands, which lands him into even more trouble. Complicating matters is the Russian Inspector who seems to have a thing for Hamish, but also has a very tough side.
The usual brood of characters come into play in Death of a Gentle Lady, including the Curry sisters, the town's most prominent gossips; Angela Brodie, the doctor's wife and Hamish's pet-sitter; Willie, the obsessively clean restaurant owner; and Archie, a local fisherman who is condemned to his tight suits due to his wife's neurotic cleaning. In addition to the usual crew, there are some new characters to fit in with the current plot: the Russian Inspector, to whom Hamish referred to as looking like "Putin in drag", the family of the victim, and the villainous Detective Chief Inspector Blair, who, hating Hamish and his non-conforming ways, has a new plan for getting rid of him.
And as always, Hamish's love life comes into the story, and yet again, I was disappointed. He is propositioned several times, proposes once (and not to who you think!), and his two former lovers, Priscilla and Elspeth, both come home to Lochdubh for a visit. Will there ever be resolution here?
Overall, I enjoyed the book. It was good enough to make me want to keep picking it up to read, but not so suspenseful as it made me want to stay up through the night to finish (and I've had this experience many times in the past, and am never happy with myself the next day!). The book had a good plot, as usual, but that's not what keeps me coming back to Lochdubh. For me, it is all about the lovable and flawed characters, most importantly, Hamish himself.
the difference between boys and girls...
“Ron,” said Hermione in a dignified voice, dipping the point of her quill into her ink pot, “you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet.”“What’s that supposed to mean?” said Ron indignantly. “What sort of person cries while someone’s kissing them?” “Yeah,” said Harry, slightly desperately, “who does?” Hermione looked at the pair of them with an almost pitying expression on her face. “Don’t you understand how Cho’s feeling at the moment?” she asked. “No,” said Harry and Ron together. Hermione sighed and laid down her quill. “Well, obviously, she’s feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she’s feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can’t work out who she likes best. Then she’ll be feeling guilty, thinking it’s an insult to Cedric’s memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she’ll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can’t work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that’s all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she’s afraid she’s going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she’s been flying so badly.” A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode.” “Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have,” said Hermione nastily, picking up her quill again.
excerpt from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Update on ME!
Hello old friend! I have actually really missed writing on here, but know the reason I haven't is because things are still so up in the air in my life! Ryan and I are waiting to hear about the job in India, and in the meantime, we've put our househunt on hold. So we are in limbo, which is not a nice place to write from. However, I realized that if my life is ever going to be in book-form (and who wouldn't want to read that book!?), I had better plug on through with my writing, even in the limbo periods. So here I am.
My resolutions are going so/so, which I guess it to be expected with resolutions! Tell me, are other people even thinking about resolutions at this point? I think I should get points for even remembering them.
I am, however, happy to relate that I have brought my quilt back out. This is one project that I must finish! Mostly because I know how pretty it will look on my bed!
I have actually been reading more, and even have a half-written book review waiting to be finished and then published for you all to see. I'm sure you are waiting with bated breath. That's good, you should be, it's going to be fabulous.
Sadly, I have nothing further to update you on. Wow, my book is going to be boring...
Lack of posts, part 2
I had no idea what a stir my "Lack of posts" part 1 would cause! On the one hand, most of you over-reacted, and when you did, it was a week or two after I had posted it (maybe it should have been called "lack of loyal readers")! On the other hand, it caused quite a stir, which means you are reading it! Better late than never, right? So this post is just to thank you for checking me out once in a while. =)
And to enlighten you as to what I was referring to in my previous post. Ryan and I have been thinking about moving. Most likely, we would be staying in the same area, but we are interested in buying a house. This is a big step for us (as I'm sure any of you who have bought a house know)! The other idea that had briefly tempted us was a move to India. The latter is rather unlikely, but both options are as scary as they are exciting!
Hope the news wasn't too disappointing! I had to keep you coming back for more somehow, right?
Lack of posts
I haven't wanted to write recently because I feel like I'm in a transitional period. Ryan and I are looking into some things that are going to affect the very near future, and it's somewhat scary. I find that when I write on this site, even if the majority of what is said is silly, I feel like I have to get real and become introspective. That is something that is even scarier when you're unsure of your future. So bear with me, and I'll give more details later. Oh yeah, and I've been really busy.