Why doesn’t God just kill Satan?

“Why doesn’t God just kill Satan?”

It was another conversation in a car ride. It’s just inevitable. I put on music, I want to lose myself in my own thoughts, but the kids constantly drag me back to the now. And then drop questions on me like this.

“God, give me wisdom,” I think to myself. And I know he does. (James 1:5)

My five-year-old son is obsessed with superhero’s and the bad guys associated with them. In fact, I think there’s a small part of him that’s rooting for the snake in the Garden story! So when he asked this question, it wasn’t in a wistful “I-wish-God-would-just-finish-off-Satan-for-good” kinda way. It was a little more taunting, like “If God is so powerful, why doesn’t he just kill the bad guy?”

I understood this question. It’s one we all ask, isn’t it? Just maybe in a little more mature way: If God is so powerful and good, why is there pain? Why is there sin? Why do bad things happen to good people?

And believe me, I am not here to answer those questions! (Those are questions worth pondering, but I don’t think anyone has all the those answers. And that’s OK.)

By now, my daughter, the rule-follower, picked up the questions out of genuine curiosity and maybe concern. So I needed some sort of reply...

“Well, God will defeat Satan in the end,” I said, dropping some truth on them, while trying to stall for a good answer. “But in the meantime, if there was no sin in the world, there would be no way for us to choose God. Like in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve knew and loved God, but they still had to choose every day not to eat the forbidden fruit. If they didn’t have that option, it wouldn’t have been a choice to obey God.”

Silence. 

“Do you know what I mean that we have to have a choice?”

Blank looks.

“OK, let’s say Audrey really likes a boy so she decides to make him a love potion. She gives him the love potion and he immediately falls in love with her. But it’s not real love, he didn’t really have a choice. It’s all because of the potion. Now Audrey, would you rather that person love you with the love potion or without?”

For a while there were just giggles and horrified looks at the thought of a boy liking her (or her liking a boy!), but finally she answered: “Without.”

“Why?” I asked. (Honestly this was the hardest part. I want to keep talking, to explain. But I was really trying to get them there on their own.)

“Because it’s not real if he’s had a potion. He doesn’t really have a choice to love me.”

“Exactly! So if God killed Satan and we lived with no sin, there would be no choice but to love and serve God! We would be more like robots than people with minds of our own.”

I think the conversation ended there, but my mind stayed on the topic for a while. I know that sin has consequences, and that is why there is so much pain in the world. But it is also amazing to me how God can even redeem sin and use it for his glory and our good. 

And it’s amazing to me that He shows up in these car rides, when I’m tired and even a little annoyed at all the questions. He still shows up, and the results are priceless.

Dear parents: Jesus is enough.

I wrote this letter for our church’s newsletter about a year ago because we were in need of teachers for our Sunday School classes. I reread it recently and realized these words need to be repeated over and over, so I thought I would post this here as well. It is a good reminder for myself as a Christian parent, too! And if you are part of a church body, consider volunteering in children’s ministry. I promise, you will be both blessed and a blessing.

I have had the privilege, in recent months, to teach our oldest class (grades 4-6) a few times, and what a unique and wonderful thing it is! I am always intimidated, because these kids know a lot. And they are smart! And honestly, I’m not that fun a teacher (it’s ok, I know what my strengths are!). So I’m always nervous. But when I leave, I am exhilarated! Because they already know a lot about the Bible and they are so smart, the discussions are deep and interesting! And that is why I call it a privilege. 

I found this article recently and it encouraged me so much, especially in regards to our older kids: 

“What every teen knows, however, is that the church is not cool. The good news is that the church does not have to be cool to be relevant. What the church has is Jesus, and he is enough. (Emphasis added) He is what differentiates the church from every other organization. He’s why the church matters. If the church matters because Jesus matters, then what youth ministries need more of are not entertaining activities but conversations about Jesus.” (Jen Bradbury, “Sticky faith: What keeps kids connected to church?”)

When I read that, I think my heart skipped a beat! That is the benefit of a small class for our preteens: we can have deep discussions. And we need teachers and a curriculum to direct those discussions to Jesus. And He is enough. 

One of the things I love about our current curriculum (The Gospel Project) is the weekly “Christ Connection”. Not only are we taking over three years to study the entire Bible, every week we bring it back to Christ. We have the curriculum part of the equation. 

Honestly, when I started writing this letter to you, I meant it only as an encouragement that we are doing what needs to be done. That you, as parents, are doing what needs to be done. You are teaching Jesus, and He is enough. But now I’m realizing we are still missing the second part of the equation: this class needs more teachers. Please pray about this and consider this unique and wonderful opportunity. 

What’s on the Book Pile? February edition.

My goal is to write these “book pile” posts monthly, though I’m afraid there won’t be much changeover from month-to-month. Here’s the problem: Most of what I read is fiction, and I read through those fairly quickly (enough that most won’t be featured on my book pile posts, so if you are interested, you’ll have to follow me on Goodreads). So this is basically my pile of of non-fiction, which I read about a chapter (or less) at a time, a few times a month. It doesn’t make for quick reading.

A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by Philip Keller.

The Brothers Karamozov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

The Green Ember by S.D. Smith.

Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn.

You Who? By Rachel Jankovic.

Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime by Dr. Ray Guarendi.

The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp.

Not pictured (Virtual Book Pile - Audible or Kindle):

The Meal Jesus Gave Us by N.T. Wright.
Frozen 2: Forest of Shadows by Kamillo Benko. (Recommended by my daughter)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling. (Reading with my daughter)
Jason and the Droconauts: The Council of Ancients by Paul D. Smith.

Please keep in mind that by listing these here, I am not necessarily recommending them! For my ratings, reviews, and recommendations, make sure to follow me on Goodreads.

In heaven…

A series of my late grandmother’s favorite books.

I like to think about heaven sometimes and imagine it as a place with unlimited books and unlimited time to read them all. There are rooms and rooms full of old favorites and new ones picked especially for me. This is where I go to be alone, my heart full of worship to a God who allowed us to be so creative and thoughtful and gave us language and heartbreak and story. I curl up in the most comfortable chair, which is situated by an enormous fireplace that keeps me perfectly warm and contented. And even as I read, my mind fully engaged, my heart knows that this is a gift from God and worships Him in quiet.

And when I want to take a break from reading, not from boredom, but because I finished the most wonderful story and my mind needs time to hold it in and turn it over and process and wonder at what I’ve just read, I wander into the craft room. This room is full of unlimited supplies and I am full of unlimited talent and creativity. Here I create a masterpiece of epic proportions and skill.

There are other people in this room, and we bond over shared projects, while I admire their unique creativity, and they admire mine. We worship God over over shared, and yet somehow vastly different, interests. How could He have created such beings? So alike and so different and so able to create new and wonderful things?

I finish my project and in my delight, I soar instead of walk to the next room, which is full of instruments and music and every emotion imaginable, expressed and unexpressed, through song.

Some people in this room I knew from the craft room already, but some faces are new to me. But I am not nervous or embarrassed or ashamed by my lack of talent. Because here we are all equals, we are all unique, and beautiful, and skilled in our own amazing, new ways.

I sit at the piano and my fingers instinctively know how to play the music that is in my heart. It is deep and full-bodied. It starts low, crying out to God, asking to know him better. But soon the music turns uplifting, even as my prayer is answered and I know Him better. My soul lifts from my body, dancing in worship, crying and laughing, in tears and jubilation, my fingers back at my body dancing over the keys in perfect rhythm and melody.

Here, in heaven, everything I make is unique, and epic, and glorious.

I finish the day over a meal that has been prepared by friends and family who spent the day in the kitchens, not out of duty or obligation, but out of the joy of cooking. Again, I am presented with old favorites from my time on earth, but also with new dishes with tastes and flavors that appeal just to me. And I don’t worry about my waistline or about calories or what I look like as I dig in to the most scrumptious meal I have ever tasted. 

I am sitting between my two grandmothers, who I had lost in my lifetime on earth, but had greeted me with hugs when I had arrived here in heaven. I remember their beauty had astounded me, as on earth they had been quite old by the time I came around. But here they were their truest selves, and I adored them more than ever. 

The rest of the table is filled with old friends and new, and we sit in perfect harmony, laughing and praising and loving our King. Soon He joins us at our table, and our joy is made complete in His company. He laughs with us, and when I catch His eye, my very being is shaken in His look: He knows me, really knows me, and He loves me.

Even as I think these things about heaven, I realize He has given us a foretaste of these things here on earth. They aren’t perfect, but if I look around and notice, I can see it. And even now, I know that when He looks at me, He knows me - really knows me - and He loves me. 

Are you hungry right now?

“Are you hungry right now?” I asked.

“Yes, starving!” They both answered. 

We were driving home from delivering a meal to friends who were sick. They were used to the drill: rushing to get in the car, clad in PJs and slippers - or in summer, no shoes at all, bellies rumbling because we won’t eat our dinner until we get home. This is just something we do every month or so.

The fact that we do this so often makes me chuckle. I always end up in a bad mood, we are always rushed, the kids whine. I do not consider myself a good cook, so serving people with meals seems out of my wheelhouse. Yet we keep doing it, and that night it became an opportunity for good conversation.

“Mom, sometimes it feels like we are the only ones in the world who love Jesus,” my daughter said, in her usual hyperbolic and dramatic way. “I mean, us, the people at my school, and the people at our church are the only ones.”

I laughed. “That’s actually a lot of people!” But I could tell she needed more.

“The fact is, there are many people all around the world who love Jesus. But there are also many people who don’t.”

“Does it matter that they don’t? I mean, won’t Jesus still love them?”

Oh goodness, this is a lot to discuss when I’m in a bad mood and my own stomach is grumbling (the word is hangry).

“It matters in the end whether people believe in Jesus or not. He loves everyone, and it’s our responsibility to tell them that and show them with our lives how Jesus loves them. When you follow Jesus, you are supposed to think of how you can love and care for others, not just yourself. Sometimes that even means putting the needs of others before your own needs.”

“How do you do that?”

That’s when the brain wave came. We were literally doing just that. (These are the times I know God is giving me the words to say, and I can take no credit.) I asked them if they were hungry, knowing full well how hungry we all were. It was a dinner they both actually liked - a rare occasion indeed! And we were looking forward to getting home to dig in. But first, we had jumped in the car to deliver a meal to someone else. 

“That’s just one example of putting the needs of others in front of our own. We are hungry, but we brought a meal to someone else first. They felt loved, cared for, and seen. And that’s showing them the love of Jesus.”

And then we got home and ate. 

So I will continue to bring meals, rushing the kids to the car, so that they can see God’s love in action through me, through them, even through their rumbling bellies. And then we’ll come home and eat, knowing that God loves and provides for us, too. 

The Free Gift

Some of the little kids I get to teach at church on Sundays. I love them!

In my job, I get to teach many different age groups about Jesus. It’s pretty wonderful, actually. But it does come with a fair share of frustration. It’s one of the few places I feel completely free to share about Jesus! I guess I like to hope that when I’m sharing something I am passionate about and has been so life-changing, that I would have an appreciative and receptive audience, right?

Well, my audience are kids. So usually they are being silly, and not sitting down, and asking when snack is, and poking their friends, and taking off their shoes, and picking their nose. 

So I like to set up this scenario for them:

What if you did something really bad and your mom and dad found out about it? Even if you said you were sorry and genuinely felt bad, they might still give you a punishment, right? Like make you sit in time out, or go to your room, or take away TV or video games. But what if I knew what you did and knew that you’d be punished, but I loved you so much that I didn’t want you to have to take your punishment, so I decided to come over and take your punishment for you? I’d say, “Let me sit here in time out and you go back to playing.” Or “I’ll sit here in your room for you, so you can ride your bike.” What would you say to that? Would you be so happy? Would you say “thank you!”? Would you love me so much for what I did?

Usually at this point in the story, the kids are looking at me in wonder, fully engrossed, fingers out of noses, and then get so excited and yell and maybe even jump up and tell me how good that sounds and that’d be great and even about their last punishments that they wish that had happened for!

That’s when I can drop the lesson on them. “Well, that’s what Jesus did for us! The Bible says that the punishment for sinning is death [Romans 6:23] but even while we were still sinning, Jesus died for us! [Romans 5:8] He came to earth as a little baby and when he grew up, he died in our place. Everybody sins, but if you know Jesus, he takes our punishment for us. All you have to do is accept this amazing gift!”

In my experience, this story never fails.

That is until about 4th grade.

The last time I taught in 4th grade, I decided to try this hypothetical again. I really do think it’s helpful at any age (hey, it still helps me to understand and appreciate just a little bit of what happened on that cross). But the response I got was markedly different.

When I got to the end and asked my questions: What would you say to that? Would you be so happy? Would you say “thank you!”? Would you love me so much for what I did? The responses were surprisingly solemn. We went around the room and each child said something along the lines of “Well, that wouldn’t be fair. Even if you offered to do that, I’d still take the punishment because I’m the one who did something bad so I should take the punishment.”

Honestly, I was stunned. I asked myself what happens in a child’s brain between preschool and 4th grade. Even before I did a quick Google search, I had guessed the answer: the development of empathy and personal responsibility. The irony is that these are good things! We want our children to be empathetic and take personal responsibility! But these are also the things that get in the way of accepting the free gift that Jesus offers.

Those 4th graders that day were thinking about me, and realizing that they needed to take responsibility. It shouldn’t be me taking the punishment, it should be them!

This is one of the reasons (and there are others, I think) why I think we are called to be like little children. God wants us to accept His good gifts to us, and little children are ready and willing to do so. They completely understand why someone would love them so much, they would take their punishment for them. They cheer when someone even talks about taking their punishment for them. 

This is why being called to be like a little child as an adult is so important. We’ve already learned (hopefully!) empathy and personal responsibility, but we are marrying it with the whole-hearted acceptance of the free gift of grace. Honestly, it’s hard to do.

I have decided to amend the story next time I teach the older kids. I can start to work in the ideas of confession and repentance, as well, and talk about the new creations we are when we accept what Jesus offers. I’m thankful for their more mature minds and complex thinking process that can grasp more and more of what following Christ actually means (something we, as Christians, are called to do until the end) and that as children get older, we can engage them more fully on what we ourselves are learning.

But after teaching that 4th grade class that day, I have thought often about their reluctance to just accept. Most days, I think I can do it on my own. But what if I took a moment every morning and just accepted, holding my arms open in acceptance of this love pouring down on me? I don’t deserve it, but I also can’t live fully, abundantly, and in complete freedom without it. Lord Jesus, help me to be like a little child.

What’s on the Book Pile?

It’s been over a year since my last “What’s on the Book Pile?” post, so I felt like it was time to write one again. Thankfully, when I looked at the last book pile picture that I took, there are no books that are still on there a year later. That would have been embarrassing (though not unprecedented!). My biggest accomplishment in that time, book-wise, was finishing Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, an epic fantasy series consisting of 14 rather large books that represented almost a decade of my life. Read my review on the final book here (don’t worry, it’s short!).

So here is my current book pile:

1. The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. I have been very interested in the Enneagram lately. I know it’s become very trendy, so normally I would not be interested (part of being a 4 on the Enneagram, I’ve learned!) but it has been a tremendous tool for self-growth in the past six months.

2. Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. This was a pick for our church’s reading group last month, and as usual, I did not finish it in time for the discussion. It is a hard, but I would argue necessary, read. I will be finishing it.

3. Erak’s Ransom (Ranger’s Apprentice series) by John Flanagan. The fiction on the book pile this month. (If you follow my book piles, you will note the fiction books switch out much faster than the non-fiction.)

4. Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime by Dr. Ray Guarendi.

5. The Brothers Karamozov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Another reading group pick unfinished, but to be fair, this is a re-read for me. I got about halfway through it and then had to miss the reading group meeting. Do I take it off the book pile because I have read it in the past? Or do I finish it this time because I don’t remember it at all? So now it’s stuck on the book pile due to my indecision.

6. You Who? By Rachel Jankovic.

7. Full: Food, Jesus, and the Battle for Salvation by Asheritah Ciuciu.

Not pictured (Virtual Book Pile - Audible or Kindle):

Taliesin (Pendragon Cycle, book 1) by Stephen R. Lawhead
Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code by Eoin Colfer
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
Jason and the Droconauts: The Council of Ancients by Paul D. Smith

Please keep in mind that by listing these here, I am not necessarily recommending them! For my ratings, reviews, and recommendations, make sure to follow me on Goodreads.

Lifter of my Head

This is a name for God that feels life-saving to me.

It is for those whose body and soul are bent over, who are trudging through the mire, with tear stained faces, who carry heavy burdens, who are world weary. Those who are dragging one foot in front of the other, not knowing to where, never looking up. 

And suddenly He appears. His very presence washes away the mud that surrounds feet. He gently puts his hand under my chin. He lifts my weary head. He looks into my tear-stained eyes. And finally, finally, hope fills my heart.

He looked at me with love. He drew me out of many waters. He delighted in me. Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

And it all started when he lifted my head so I could keep my gaze on him. 

Psalm 3:3. Psalm 18:16, 19. Psalm 16:6.

Scars

Today we decided we love Audrey’s right eyebrow even more than the other one.

But it didn’t start that way. She was playing with make-up when all of a sudden she said, “I don’t like my eyebrow because of the bald spot from the scar.” This simple statement hit me in the gut. It was the first time I had heard her look in the mirror and state something she didn’t like about herself. I’m not saying it’s never happened, although I pray it hasn’t before, but it was the first time I had heard it. And then I said something that I truly believe was straight from God. “What? That eyebrow is my favorite because it tells a story! A story of heroism and bravery.” She looked at me like I was crazy so I explained: it’s the story of a little girl who got hurt and had to be sewn up, with needle and thread, who was so scared, but bravely let the doctors work to sew her eyebrow back together.

And then I showed her how she could fill it in with eyebrow pencil.

But you know what? She rubbed it off and said she liked it better without.

We talked about it several more times today and then she asked me what part of me told a story. And I said “what about my belly? It tells the best story!” And of course she knew I meant having my two precious babies.

She’s been long asleep now but I can’t stop thinking about it. What if we always looked at our scars like that? What if instead of despairing of how they mar our bodies and despising them, what if we saw them for the stories and the healing they represent? Because with each scar, there was healing. The bigger the scar, the bigger the healing. And that is something to be grateful for!

Reflections on my Week without Emojis

 “I’d like to reflect on what it might mean to be good stewards of language - what it might mean to retrieve words from the kinds of misuse, abuse, and distortion to which they’ve been subjected of late, and to reinvigorate them for use as bearers of truth and as instruments of love.” - Marilyn McEntyre, Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies

I have been following these daybook posts this Lent, written by Tamara Murphy, to help fully engage with the meaning of Lent and realize more and more my daily need for my Savior. I appreciate my friend’s thoughtfulness in putting together these posts, where she includes “Look” (some sort of visual), “Listen” (a meaningful song), “Read” (Scripture), “Pray” (some form of special prayer), and “Do” (a task for the day/week). The first four are relatively easy and quick to finish. The “Do” section actually takes more time and sacrifice (😱). But when I committed to “fully engage”, I decided that had to include the “Do” section of the posts, as well. This has brought me on a journey that I did not expect: showing me God’s mercy when confronted with my sin and overwhelming guilt, and removing my usual coping mechanisms so all I can do is turn to Jesus.

These are all posts for another day. Today, I just want to reflect on the weekly fast that we just completed, namely fasting from all emojis and any other replacements for language, like social media “likes”. At first I thought would be easy and a little bit silly, but it actually turned into a great experiment on love and language, and I would like to share a few of my reflections:

-I use social media “likes” as a form of laziness. I don’t want to comment about what I’m really thinking (“what a cute baby” or “I’ll be praying for you!”) so I just press “like” and move on. This past week, I had to be a lot more discerning. If I felt strongly enough to “like” something, I actually had to use the words! And being on the other side of posting, I know the words are actually a lot more meaningful than the number of “likes”.

-Sometimes I use emojis as a form of laziness, too. And sometimes I don’t! Sometimes I spend a few agonizing minutes trying to find just the right symbol (or series of symbols) to express exactly what I am feeling and/or doing. But how is the other person supposed to know the difference? The only way for a person to know I’ve put thought into what I am saying is to actually write out the words.

-I had to express my feelings more than I am usually comfortable with. There are a lot of people that I love, but it feels much less vulnerable to just say “❤️” than to say “I love you.” Usually that’s what I mean when I add a “❤️”, but for some reason, I feel like I’m giving over more of me when I have to say the words.

-Text conversations last a lot longer! It’s just an easy way to end a conversation when you can jot off a quick “❤️😘”. That usually means “Love ya, bye” when you get that from me. But instead, I’d have to write: “I love you, friend. Hope you have a great day. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Etc etc etc. This actually led to some very sweet exchanges, but definitely not as convenient!

-My laziness knows no bounds. By the end, I had more and more conversations like this (mostly with my husband, who knew what I was doing):

I won’t be giving up emojis again any time soon, but I do think this helped me to realize how lazy I’ve become in my language. Emojis are fun and cute (and help to indicate joking when it’s hard to express that in texts!) but I want to make more of an effort to really tell people how I feel and show them the respect that they deserve.

The Value of One

The photo above is an excerpt from the notes from my Bible study this past week, the words of which meant so much to me. We were studying the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Matthew 18:10-14 (which, coincidentally, is what I am basing my new children’s book on!) and discussing the great value that God puts on each one of His children.

I have spent most of my life wishing I could do something big and bold for God, feeling like I could do more, and feeling restless in my current situation, which felt too small and insignificant. But the older I get, the more I realize the great value that God puts on the life lived faithfully that may feel “small”; that this calling of mine, though it sometimes feels small and insignificant, is beautiful and valuable to Him.

We know that God’s economy is different than ours (the first shall be last, the least shall be greatest, etc.), and what He values looks very different than what the world values (and even sometimes what we Christians value). But the life lived “small” is incredibly valuable to God. In fact, in this parable, the Shepherd leaves the many - the big flock, the service to many, or what could stand for a big project or large ministry - and goes in search of the ONE.

I love the value God puts on the ONE. That means he values me, and you, and every baby, child, and adult. And even in addition to that, it means he values “the ministry of one” as my Bible study teacher said. It may feel small, but it isn’t to God. He’s calling us to be faithful, in the small and the big. And really, it usually is the small. It is clear that God can use the big - think Billy Graham - but most of us are called to live small lives, impacting the small circle of those around us. And that is beautiful, valuable, wonderful to God.

So I thank you, God, that you see this small life of mine, that you value the ONE, that you see and value me when I can only serve ONE. Thank you that you come as a whisper (1 Kings 19:12). In this world of “the bigger, the better”, that is not what you value. When you were asked who is the greatest, you called forth a child (Matt. 18:1-2). You are bigger; you are better; and that is enough for us. And I thank you for being that for me, for valuing this small, but not insignificant, life of mine, and for giving me contentment in it.

I pray that for you, too.

Yet Another Ode to October

Warm, cozy, cool and brisk

Fireplace, candles, snuggly blankets.

Foggy mornings, freezing nights

Sunshine bright on colorful trees.

Orange, yellow, brown, dry

Crackle, crisp, colorful pile.

 Boots, sweaters, vest and gloves

Hats and mittens crocheted with love.

Scarecrows, hay bales, tall corn maze

Smoky scent lingering in air

Pumpkins, gourds, apples, spices

Pie and cider, Thanksgiving feast

Ravens, cats, spooky ghosts

Costumes, Candy, candy corn

Anticipation, the One True Story

Merry, peace, joy, and love.

What’s on the Book Pile

Yesterday I had an epiphany. I came home from dropping my kids at school and all I wanted to do was sit and read. I talked myself out of it because I just had too much to do around the house and reading is only for extra free time.​*

What?​

What is this “extra free time”? Does anyone ever have some extra? There’s always more stuff to do! Is it so wrong that I want to make reading a priority during the day? Absolutely not! Maybe other people have already realized that, but it was a rather freeing moment for me. ​

So I thought I’d post these Book Pile pictures occasionally to see how much the piles change with my new-found reading time.​

1. Everything that Rises Mus Converge by Flannery O’Connor

2. Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl by Dannah Gresh

3. The Merry Little Christmas Project and Planner by Kaley Ehret

4. Heir of Fire by Sarah J. Maas

5. The Gathering Storm by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson

 Please keep in mind that by listing these here, I am not necessarily recommending them! For my ratings and the occasional review, make sure to follow me on Goodreads.

*By the way, instead of reading, I turned on the TV. You’d think they were equal trade-offs, with TV being the less desireable (intellectual) choice, but any multi-tasker knows TV is better than reading for “getting things done”. 

Politics is everywhere.

This is a paper I wrote in college, when I was more interested in politics. I was reading it today to help me remember September 11 - not that I need much help remembering that day - and the aftermath at the site and in our country. It is not very emotional because the premise is that “Politics is everywhere”. But it did help me to remember in a way I haven’t since those first few years.  

And ironically, I got a B+ on the paper with the comment “too dramatic”. A criticism of my writing that I will take any day.

The story of American Ground by William Langewiesche is an account of the events following the World Trade Towers collapse at the actual site.  But on another level, it is the story of the American nation at its birth.  It is new territory, new land.  People from different backgrounds and beliefs came and worked.  Soon, it became self-governing, an organized political process where the people could work together in order accomplish their goals.  It began with pure intentions, but soon, as in every self-interested society, there was conflict.  People had their own ideas of what should be done, and formed groups that drew lines of dissent. 

Ground Zero was this new land, “a blank slate for the United States.  Among the ruins now, an unscripted experiment in American life had gotten under way.”  There was no authority or formal process.  There was not even any understanding of what had really happened, or what had to be done.  There was just a vague knowledge that nothing like this had happened before, and that “the problems that had to be solved were largely unprecedented.”  People from all different backgrounds began to run to the site, wanting only to be of use.  “The reaction… cut across the city’s class lines as New Yorkers of all backgrounds tried to respond.”People did whatever they thought would help - bucket brigades, digging, and putting out fires - but “for a few days the site was out of control.” With no structure, the site was anarchy and nothing of note was accomplished.  Soon, however, “a crude management structure was agreed upon, and most of the volunteers were eased out to the ruins’ periphery, to be replaced at the core by a professional labor force….”  Politics had entered the scene and provided a way to work towards a common goal.  A hierarchy emerged, and with that, a plan for which the workers could undertake.  People even began to use the language of politics, referring to the site as a “kingdom” or to a leader as a “czar.”  Lines of disagreement soon came into view, and interest groups began to lobby for their own desires.  And finally, a certain sense of ownership, almost pride toward the site, became the norm, similar to a feeling one might have towards their country.

In the early days of the deconstruction efforts, anarchy reigned like the night.  No one knew what was going on, how great the damages were, or even if they were making any difference.  But soon, however, several individuals surfaced like rays of light, claiming authority where there was none, and beginning the political process.  “Leading the effort was the unlikely duo of Kenneth Holden and his lieutenant, Michael Burton – the two Department of Design and Construction officials who had emerged from bureaucratic obscurity… to orchestrate an effective response to the disaster.”  These two assumed authority, although they were never given it formally.  As the author points out, “Burton had not the slightest authority here at the Trade Center site, but he was willing to assume it anyway.”  He and Holden rose to the occasion and brought with them a plan for getting the job done.  Other men, too, rose to the authority that they were never formally given.  Sam Melisi, a fireman, had an “authority [that] translated into the power to make suggestions that others were willing to follow.”  With his authority, as with Holden’s and Burton’s, came power that others listened to. 

People at the site soon began to use words that are frequently associated with politics.  There was no escaping the political framework within which they worked and political words were what they had to use to describe it.  Some referred to Mike Burton as the “Trade Center Czar”, illustrating his power and authoritative manner.  The author describes the Port Authority as more of an “empire” than an organization, because of its vast territory around the city.  Giuliani was angrily referred to as a “fascist”by the firemen’s union because they saw him as trying to lead an authoritarian government and not taking their views into consideration.  The author even notes the political nature of the site, especially when he says to Burton: “It’s your kingdom, Mike.  It’s your empire.” And even the pile itself became political, “the pile was the enemy, the objective, the obsession, the hard-won ground…” as if the workers were at war with it, or on it, or were fighting for it. 

In any political organization, there will always be people who have different interests.  At Ground Zero, the deconstruction began to cause conflicts among these different groups.  Timing was an issue, and every group wanted their say.  The firemen, who seemed to be the most vocal interest group, began to demonstrate publicly in order to make their views known.  The policemen were another interest group, having “tribal allegiances” as well and having “had lost twenty-three colleagues in the Trade Center collapse.”The Mayor’s Office was another interest group and Giuliani decided that “access would be restricted, new procedures would be imposed at the pile, and the number of searchers would be reduced by two-thirds.”  This did not sit well with the firemen, who did not want to have their numbers reduced, and wanted to be able to search for those they had lost as slowly as they needed.  Conflict arose between these interests and decisions had to be made as to how to keep them all content.  Another interest group was comprised of the widows of the men who had died in the collapse.  Like all the other groups, it was not representative of “the thousands of others who had lost family on September 11…” but these women had their own idea of what should be done.  This conflict soon came to a head and those in charge realized that they would have to start running the operation in accordance with the views of others, not just their own. 

The pile soon became a home away from home for those that worked on it.  They were there day and night causing a deep sense of ownership, almost pride in what was being done there.  Several of the interest groups began to feel a “jealous sense of ownership… that ‘this is our disaster more than yours.’”  They felt that this pile that they were working on was their land.  In a strange way, this feeling was similar to what the rest of the country was feeling – this is our land, and we will not have others destroying it.  The patriotism at the pile was a feeling of pride in their land.

Politics is everywhere.  It is an instrument, a tool, for progress.  It provides a process and the authority to accomplish a goal.  The story of the deconstruction of the World Trade Center Towers gives a picture, a visible symbol, of the effectiveness and ubiquitousness of politics.  This abstract idea manifests itself in the work that is done there, through the hierarchy and structure that emerges, the language that is used, the various groups that lobby for their own interests, and even the patriotism and sense of ownership that is shown to the site.  Without politics, the job would not have gotten done and the scramble of anarchy would continue to complicate matters.  Politics is necessary, whether at a site of deconstruction or in the birth of a new country. 

List of the Day (LotD): A list of all the fun stuff I can do in my free time that I could not do with kids around

I have officially moved from being a mom-of-young-kids to a mom-with-kids-in-school. This has brought out many feelings, as anyone who has made the transition will know. I have already written (but not yet posted) a super sappy and melodramatic post on the sad end of these feelings. But today, my first day of being at home with no kids, I want to write something happy.

And what makes me happy?

Lists!

And what’s the best kind of list?

A LIST of THINGS that make me HAPPY.

Or more specifically: A list of all the fun stuff I can do in my free time that I could not do with kids around.

Reading on the deck

Reading in my bed

Reading at any location!

Writing on the deck (this is so meta because that’s actually what I’m doing right now, see pic for proof)

Watching non-animated TV

Sitting quietly and just thinking

Taking a long bath (this is hypothetical because our tiny tubs are not comfortable!) 

Listening to LOUD music and singing my heart out (sometimes I do this with kids around and they tell me to be quiet)

Practicing the piano

Longer, uninterrupted prayer times

Exercising (OK, I don’t really WANT to do this, but I’ve used the excuse of kids for so long that now I feel like I HAVE to)(or come up with a new excuse, the stifling heat maybe?)

I think I will make this an ongoing list. So when I find new and amazing things I can do without kids in tow, I will add to it. Like GROCERY SHOPPING and GOING TO THE CHIROPRACTOR!! Yay!

List of the Day (LotD): Summer Fun!

My summer fun list is nothing new or extraordinary. It’s not too adventurous and won’t keep us too busy. We just like to spend a few minutes brainstorming a few things we’d really like to do (trips, a few places to visit) and then scatter those in with some other lazy summer activities!  You’ll notice most of these are pretty low-key, with a few places to visit that are not huge tourist attractions (we don’t like crowds!). 

1. Hiking

2. Silverman’s Farm

3. Model rocket

4. Overnight @ Mimi’s

5. Date Night

6. Dinner at the Beach

7. Beach days

8. Pool days

9. Backyard pool

10. BBQs

11. Road trips

12. VBS

13. Unplugged day

14. Random acts of kindness

15. Make popsicles

16. Wash car

17. Zoo

18. Sidewalk chalk

19. Build a fort

20. Fire pit/s’mores

21. Fireworks

22. Bike rides

23. Glow bubbles

24. Fly a kite

25. Grace Farms

26. Farmer’s Market

27. Plant a garden

28. Lemonade stand

29. Catch fireflies

30. Go to a carnival

31. Birthday party for Hugo (our dog) 

32. Botanical gardens

33. Brooklyn Bridge park

What’s missing from this list? After viewing this list for the first time, a friend said, “Why isn’t making lists on the list?” I think that’s an excellent point, because as we all know... lists are fun!!

The Weirdness of Motherhood

Last night I had a not-too-unusual experience that perfectly encapsulates what a friend has recently called “the weirdness of motherhood”. I had never thought about how weird motherhood was until I heard that phrase and since then I’ve been recognizing it in everything! 

At around 4am my son came to me crying about a spider in his bed. Agreeing with him that yes, that is indeed terrifying, but reassuring him that it was a dream, I encouraged him to go back to bed. (Actually it was more like “huh? Dream! Bed!”) But instead, he climbed into bed with us, and I was too tired to argue. 

What happened next is a perfect example of the weirdness of motherhood. Let me paint you a picture. 

Not shown in this little cartoon is that at one point, I was actually missing my daughter and wishing she would join us in the bed! And literally the next second - almost simultaneously even! - I was wishing my son was back in his bed and I could go to sleep. It’s like wanting to be thin and wanting to eat an entire tray of brownies at the same time! (Another oxymoron in my life.)

Whatever stage of motherhood we are in, we want them gone and we want them back. We want snuggles and we want our own space. We want to hold them forever, but we are training them to leave. So I suppose in the end, we have to concentrate on the good stuff and roll with the bad. I’m thankful that my son kept me up last night and I could capture a beautiful sleeping boy picture. But I’m also thankful he doesn’t do that most nights. I guess that’s the key: being thankful whatever the circumstances. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

List of the Day (LotD): Playlist

This playlist is not original to me. It is an Apple curated playlist that they made specifically for me based on my preferences. They do a new one every Tuesday and they are hit-or-miss (usually more miss than hit). But I particularly enjoyed this week’s! So if you are also a fan of mostly female pop artists, with some Disney and show tunes mixed in, this list might just be for you. iTunes Spotify

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