Valentine Village

Valentine Village. Available now in my shop!

A Life of Freedom and Abundance

“We were never hardwired to be free, if by ‘freedom’ we mean an independent, self-sufficient life. We were created by God to be connected to something vastly bigger than ourselves. We were designed to have our lives organized and directed by an agenda that is bigger than our truncated personal desires and goals. We were carefully built by God to have every aspect of our personhood connected to him and his plans for us, and when we reject him, we don’t live autonomously; we replace him with something or someone….

“He is freeing us from slavery to what is not true and cannot deliver. He is rescuing us from serving what will never give us life. He is protecting us from seeking hope where hope will never be found. It really is true - his call to obey is a tool of his rescuing grace….

“God’s call to obey doesn’t end your life; it is meant to protect the life that only he can give you.”

-Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional

Books Read in 2020

Number of books read through the years. I didn’t quite make my goal of 100 this year. I’ll go ahead and thank the pandemic for that one.

This year, I am resurrecting an old tradition on my blog in Januarys! That is to list the books I read in the previous year and hopefully offer up some suggestions (and warnings) to my readers.

A few notes about the list:

1. I did not link to the books, because let’s be honest, who has time for that? I think I gave you enough information to find the book if you’d like to.

2. You will notice many children and young adult books on the list. My motivations for this were twofold: One is that I just enjoy a lot of young adult books! They tend to have more fantastical and magical elements than books written for adults. I also wanted to make more of an effort to read books that my daughter (10) is reading. This has opened up many conversations for us and I hope it also shows her that I am interested in her life. Those were my initial motivations, but I have realized several other unintended blessings! In my work in children’s ministry at our church, I am able to engage with the kids on their level - from young boys reading “Captain Underpants” to older girls reading Natalie Lloyd! Not only this, but occasionally I have been a resource to parents who have children reading the books but haven’t read the books themselves. I can offer a Christian adult perspective, as well as suggest topics of conversation based on the book for the parents to engage in with their child. What an unexpected blessing from something I enjoy anyway!

3. If you pay attention, you might see that I have started a lot of different series of books, but I rarely finish them. This is for various reasons, one of which being that I tend to get obsessive, and if I just push through book after book in the series, I am no earthly good to anyone. So I usually take a break between books, and by the time I no longer care that much, I have forgotten most of the previous book and don’t have much desire to pick up the series again! (One of my goals for 2021 is to continue various series that I have started.)

4. Many of these books have reviews written by me on Goodreads if you would like more information (or feel free to contact me).

Books Read in 2020

James Herriot's Treasury for Children, James Herriot

Flavia de Luce series #1-7, Alan Bradley

The Arctic Incident, Eoin Colfer

Lizzy & Jane, Katherine Reay

The Adventure of the Dying Detective, Arthur Conan Doyle

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery, Ian Morgan Cron

Taliesin (The Pendragon Cycle #1), Stephen R. Lawhead

Murder Most Malicious (A Lady and Lady's Maid Mystery, #1), Alyssa Maxwell

Full: Food, Jesus, and the Battle for Satisfaction, Asheritah Ciuciu

The Green Ember (The Green Ember, #1), S.D.   Smith

Frozen 2: Forest of Shadows, Kamilla Benko

Sacramental Life: Spiritual Formation Through the Book of Common Prayer, David A. deSilva

The Beautiful Mystery (Chief Inspector Armand Gamache, #8), Louise Penny

Misery Loves Maggody (Arly Hanks, #11), Joan Hess

Mischief in Maggody (Arly Hanks, #2), Joan Hess

The Key to Extraordinary, Natalie Lloyd

Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime: The Best Gift You Can Give Your Kids: Dr. Ray Answers Your Frequently Asked Questions, Ray Guarendi

The Glass Bird Girl (Knight's Haddon, #1), Esme Kerr

In Dublin's Fair City (Molly Murphy Mysteries, #6), Rhys Bowen

The Problim Children, Natalie Lloyd

The Return of Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes, #6), Arthur Conan Doyle

Death from a Top Hat, Clayton Rawson

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children, #1), Ransom Riggs

Big Little Lies, Liane Moriarty

The Sabbath: Its Meaning for Modern Man, Abraham Joshua Heschel

One for the Money (Stephanie Plum, #1), Janet Evanovich

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1), C.S. Lewis

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Harry Potter, #4), J.K. Rowling

Erak's Ransom (Ranger's Apprentice, #7), John Flanagan

Tuesdays at the Castle (Castle Glower, #1), Jessica Day George

The Boxcar Children (The Boxcar Children, #1), Gertrude Chandler Warner

The Final Empire (Mistborn, #1), Brandon Sanderson

You Who? Why You Matter and How to Deal With It, Rachel Jankovic

Half the Sky: Turning Oppression Into Opportunity for Women Worldwide, Nicholas D. Kristof

Teaching a Stone to Talk: Expeditions and Encounters, Annie Dillard

Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living, Shauna Niequist

Surprise Island (The Boxcar Children, #2), Gertrude Chandler Warner

Naughty in Nice (Her Royal Spyness Mysteries, #5), Rhys Bowen

What Alice Forgot, Liane Moriarty

Journey on a Runaway Train (The Boxcar Children Great Adventure #1), Gertrude Chandler Warner

The Mark of the Dragonfly, Jaleigh Johnson

Rodrick Rules (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, #2), Jeff Kinney

Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, #4), Jeff Kinney

The Clue in the Papyrus Scroll (The Boxcar Children Great Adventure #2), Gertrude Chandler Warner

Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People (Captain Underpants, #8), Dav Pilkey

The Last Mrs. Summers (Her Royal Spyness, #14), Rhys Bowen

The Shackleton Sabotage (The Boxcar Children Great Adventure #4), Gertrude Chandler Warner

The Detour of the Elephants (The Boxcar Children Great Adventure #3), Dee Garretson

Tell Me, Pretty Maiden (Molly Murphy Mysteries, #7), Rhys Bowen

The Last Straw (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, #3), Jeff Kinney

A Stitch in Time (A Needlecraft Mystery, #3), Monica Ferris

Crime Brûlée (A Carolyn Blue Culinary Mystery, #1), Nancy Fairbanks

The Khipu and the Final Key (The Boxcar Children Great Adventure #5), Gertrude Chandler Warner

In a Gilded Cage (Molly Murphy, #8), Rhys Bowen

The Hobbit, or There and Back Again, J.R.R. Tolkien

Mississippi Trial, 1955, Chris Crowe

A Conventional Corpse (Claire Malloy, #13), Joan Hess

Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier

The 39 Clues, #1-7, Rick Riordan and other various authors

On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness (The Wingfeather Saga, #1), Andrew Peterson

Over the Moon, Natalie Lloyd

Mystery Ranch (The Boxcar Children, #4), Gertrude Chandler Warner

Guts, Raina Telgemeier

Sisters (Smile, #2), Raina Telgemeier

Smile (Smile, #1), Raina Telgemeier

Ghosts, Raina Telgemeier

Drama, Raina Telgemeier

Damsels in Distress (Claire Malloy, #16), Joan Hess

The story behind the story of Sheldon

I am in the final stages of writing, illustrating, editing, and publishing my next children’s book. It is a long process, especially when it’s more of a hobby than a full-time job! But I am very excited about it and I hope you will take some time to read it when it is finally available. 

Before it comes out, however, I want to tell you a little bit about how it came to be and what it is about.

It is the story of a hermit crab named Sheldon, who yearns for adventure, but instead lives in a glass tank in a pet shop. The idea for this story actually belongs to my Aunt Sue. She originally wrote a little story about Sheldon based on the true events. One summer, my cousin’s son bought two hermit crabs and one of the crabs got loose in their home. We all thought that crab was a goner! But sure enough, a few days later, he found the crab wedged up under the edge of the dog’s water bowl. And he was still alive! We all rejoiced that Sheldon had been found!

A couple years later, I found the little story she had written amidst a crisis going on with that same aunt: her beloved bird, Claude, had escaped out the front door and he was never seen again. This was when I asked her if I could adapt her “Sheldon” story into a children’s book. Somehow the two events seemed linked and resonated in my heart. It wasn’t until adapting the story a bit later did I realize why.

These were two stories of beloved creatures, one lost forever, and one found with much rejoicing. And isn’t that the story of us? Our good Father in heaven looks at us, his beloved creatures, and longs to be with us. And we, in our human nature, run from him. He longs to care for us, to provide for us, but we think we know better. We think his freedom costs too much. We fly out the front door thinking we are flying to freedom, but actually find death. But God is full of compassion, and if we turn back to Him, there is “rejoicing in heaven”. (Luke 15:7)

In adapting this story for a children’s book, I tried to match some elements with parables Jesus tells us in Luke 15. I would encourage you to read that passage with your children before or after reading my story about Sheldon and talk about similarities and differences. I hope this will open up a conversation about God’s unending love of us and his pursuit of us as a good Father.

Finally, thank you to Sue Burke for giving me permission to adapt her story. To Will Heckathorne for being a good father to little Sheldon the crab. And thank you in advance for picking up a copy when it is available.

What’s on the Book Pile? Library Edition

My library book haul and my favorite introvert mug

When I take my kids to the library, I like to stroll through the young adult section. I tell myself it’s because we’re in the children’s area already and I don’t want to leave my kids alone. But the truth is I like young adult books for easy reading and good entertainment.

So here’s my haul from this past trip:

The Return of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
I’m not sure I’ve read this Sherlock Holmes! So this is exciting.

The Girl with the Glass Bird by Esme Kerr.
I’ll be honest, I picked this book because it had a pretty cover and it had that hardly “Mystery” sticker on the spine.

The Key to Extraordinary by Natalie Lloyd.
I read this author previously based on the recommendation of my friend, Miriam, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

The Problim Children by Natalie Lloyd.

Ranger’s Apprentice: Erak’s Ransom by John Flanagan.
A young adult fantasy series that I’ve been reading for years now.

Is Wealth a Actually a Curse?

In Sunday School we are studying Solomon, who really is a tragic hero (or maybe cautionary tale?) of the Bible. He had a lot to live up to in his father, King David, “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22). In the beginning, there is such hope: Solomon is given the chance to ask God for anything and he asks God for wisdom - already a wise choice! No doubt a king needs wisdom almost more than anything! So God, as he does when someone asks for wisdom (James 1:5) gives it to him. Solomon, perhaps the wisest man in the Bible, or even all of history, writes several of the “wisdom books” of the Bible: Song of Songs, Ecclesiastes, and Proverbs. But then God does more, he gives Solomon wealth beyond imagining! So much so that the Queen of Sheba - a wealthy woman in her own right - is overwhelmed by his “wisdom and wealth”! (1 Kings 10:4-5)

A picture from our curriculum (The Gospel Project) of Solomon writing his Wisdom books

Sadly, though, the story takes a turn. Solomon strays from the Lord and starts worshiping other gods and His reign marks the end of the united nation of Israel. 

This is one of the hardest stories in the Bible for me. I look at Solomon and see so much hope and wisdom (and that was even before asking God for wisdom!). I wonder what went wrong. But I already know what went wrong and want to pretend that I don’t. Wealth. Wealth is where it all went wrong. 

There is no doubt that money corrupts and the love of money is the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10). You can see it running rampant in our society today, even among Christian leaders. We look at these pastors or speakers, who are gaining popularity and wealth, with so much hope. But then we are so disappointed when they fail or the truth they’ve been hiding comes out. But who is strong enough to carry the burden of wealth?

Ironically, Solomon himself seems to know that the pursuit of money and love of wealth can never satisfy. He even says in Ecclesiastes 5:10, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.” And this is just one of many verses from his wisdom books pertaining to wealth and greed. 

Some may say that Solomon’s downfall was his love of foreign women (or just women in general) and followed his lustful desires wherever they took him. But I would argue that wealth is what brought him there in the first place. Wealth leads to power, and power and wealth together lead to ruin and destruction. Again from 1 Timothy 6 (vs. 9, which immediately precedes the “love of money” verse quoted above), “Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.”

So I ask myself, why did God do this to Solomon? Why give him so much wealth? I am sure most people who read this think “God was rewarding Solomon for asking for wisdom!” Indeed, even when I was a child, I remembering thinking, if God ever asks me what I want, I’ll say wisdom and hope he’ll give me wealth, too! Wealth looks like a blessing, but is it actually a curse?

This is a simplistic thought. Solomon’s sinful nature and lack of repentance led to his downfall. But wealth made it easier. It is something worth thinking about today and even asking ourselves. You see, when I said earlier that I didn’t want to acknowledge what I already knew, it’s because I see it in me as well. I likehaving money. I like buying, and shopping, and filling my home and heart with the clutter that money can buy. We treat this as a silly foible. But it should terrify us. Jesus said, “You cannot love both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24) And because of that, I am terrified. 

So I ask myself, and I’ll ask you, in our pursuit of wealth, are we pursuing something that will be a blessing or a curse? No one is strong enough to carry the “blessing” of wealth. So if you gain it, or have it, hold your hands open and ask him to take it and use it. And if you are pursuing it, stop. Pursue God instead. Don’t end up like Solomon and end up in ruin and destruction. Trust me, you are not strong enough to hold on to it yourself. I am not strong enough. Just look at Solomon, the wisest man in the world. 

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” 1 Timothy 6:17

Adding a note here at the bottom to address a few criticisms by my dear husband.

I perhaps did not emphasize that it is not wealth that is the root of all evil, but the love of wealth. The reason I didn’t distinguish these two is because I’m not sure they can be separated. I think it’s impossible to have wealth and not love it a just a little bit. This is what I see in myself (and maybe you’re a better person than I am, that’s fine) and this is what scares me. 

Next, he says, is that I’m asking people to do something that is logically inconsistent: if you love money, how can you hold your hands open and ask God to take it and use it? Well, he’s right, I should have said it this way: you can’t. You need Jesus to even get you to this place. And then you have to do it again every day until either you have victory in this area (which honestly you probably won’t, which is kinda the point of this post), or until you lose all your money, or until you die. But never give in to this struggle (or “logical inconsistency”) because then comes the ruin and destruction. 

And finally, it’s true, we don’t know exactly what led to Solomon’s destruction. The whole post is based on a supposition (hopefully one that doesn’t diminish the truth, though). But I think I’m right and it’s my blog. ☺️ 

Why doesn’t God just kill Satan?

“Why doesn’t God just kill Satan?”

It was another conversation in a car ride. It’s just inevitable. I put on music, I want to lose myself in my own thoughts, but the kids constantly drag me back to the now. And then drop questions on me like this.

“God, give me wisdom,” I think to myself. And I know he does. (James 1:5)

My five-year-old son is obsessed with superhero’s and the bad guys associated with them. In fact, I think there’s a small part of him that’s rooting for the snake in the Garden story! So when he asked this question, it wasn’t in a wistful “I-wish-God-would-just-finish-off-Satan-for-good” kinda way. It was a little more taunting, like “If God is so powerful, why doesn’t he just kill the bad guy?”

I understood this question. It’s one we all ask, isn’t it? Just maybe in a little more mature way: If God is so powerful and good, why is there pain? Why is there sin? Why do bad things happen to good people?

And believe me, I am not here to answer those questions! (Those are questions worth pondering, but I don’t think anyone has all the those answers. And that’s OK.)

By now, my daughter, the rule-follower, picked up the questions out of genuine curiosity and maybe concern. So I needed some sort of reply...

“Well, God will defeat Satan in the end,” I said, dropping some truth on them, while trying to stall for a good answer. “But in the meantime, if there was no sin in the world, there would be no way for us to choose God. Like in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve knew and loved God, but they still had to choose every day not to eat the forbidden fruit. If they didn’t have that option, it wouldn’t have been a choice to obey God.”

Silence. 

“Do you know what I mean that we have to have a choice?”

Blank looks.

“OK, let’s say Audrey really likes a boy so she decides to make him a love potion. She gives him the love potion and he immediately falls in love with her. But it’s not real love, he didn’t really have a choice. It’s all because of the potion. Now Audrey, would you rather that person love you with the love potion or without?”

For a while there were just giggles and horrified looks at the thought of a boy liking her (or her liking a boy!), but finally she answered: “Without.”

“Why?” I asked. (Honestly this was the hardest part. I want to keep talking, to explain. But I was really trying to get them there on their own.)

“Because it’s not real if he’s had a potion. He doesn’t really have a choice to love me.”

“Exactly! So if God killed Satan and we lived with no sin, there would be no choice but to love and serve God! We would be more like robots than people with minds of our own.”

I think the conversation ended there, but my mind stayed on the topic for a while. I know that sin has consequences, and that is why there is so much pain in the world. But it is also amazing to me how God can even redeem sin and use it for his glory and our good. 

And it’s amazing to me that He shows up in these car rides, when I’m tired and even a little annoyed at all the questions. He still shows up, and the results are priceless.

Dear parents: Jesus is enough.

I wrote this letter for our church’s newsletter about a year ago because we were in need of teachers for our Sunday School classes. I reread it recently and realized these words need to be repeated over and over, so I thought I would post this here as well. It is a good reminder for myself as a Christian parent, too! And if you are part of a church body, consider volunteering in children’s ministry. I promise, you will be both blessed and a blessing.

I have had the privilege, in recent months, to teach our oldest class (grades 4-6) a few times, and what a unique and wonderful thing it is! I am always intimidated, because these kids know a lot. And they are smart! And honestly, I’m not that fun a teacher (it’s ok, I know what my strengths are!). So I’m always nervous. But when I leave, I am exhilarated! Because they already know a lot about the Bible and they are so smart, the discussions are deep and interesting! And that is why I call it a privilege. 

I found this article recently and it encouraged me so much, especially in regards to our older kids: 

“What every teen knows, however, is that the church is not cool. The good news is that the church does not have to be cool to be relevant. What the church has is Jesus, and he is enough. (Emphasis added) He is what differentiates the church from every other organization. He’s why the church matters. If the church matters because Jesus matters, then what youth ministries need more of are not entertaining activities but conversations about Jesus.” (Jen Bradbury, “Sticky faith: What keeps kids connected to church?”)

When I read that, I think my heart skipped a beat! That is the benefit of a small class for our preteens: we can have deep discussions. And we need teachers and a curriculum to direct those discussions to Jesus. And He is enough. 

One of the things I love about our current curriculum (The Gospel Project) is the weekly “Christ Connection”. Not only are we taking over three years to study the entire Bible, every week we bring it back to Christ. We have the curriculum part of the equation. 

Honestly, when I started writing this letter to you, I meant it only as an encouragement that we are doing what needs to be done. That you, as parents, are doing what needs to be done. You are teaching Jesus, and He is enough. But now I’m realizing we are still missing the second part of the equation: this class needs more teachers. Please pray about this and consider this unique and wonderful opportunity. 

What’s on the Book Pile? February edition.

My goal is to write these “book pile” posts monthly, though I’m afraid there won’t be much changeover from month-to-month. Here’s the problem: Most of what I read is fiction, and I read through those fairly quickly (enough that most won’t be featured on my book pile posts, so if you are interested, you’ll have to follow me on Goodreads). So this is basically my pile of of non-fiction, which I read about a chapter (or less) at a time, a few times a month. It doesn’t make for quick reading.

A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by Philip Keller.

The Brothers Karamozov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

The Green Ember by S.D. Smith.

Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn.

You Who? By Rachel Jankovic.

Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime by Dr. Ray Guarendi.

The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp.

Not pictured (Virtual Book Pile - Audible or Kindle):

The Meal Jesus Gave Us by N.T. Wright.
Frozen 2: Forest of Shadows by Kamillo Benko. (Recommended by my daughter)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling. (Reading with my daughter)
Jason and the Droconauts: The Council of Ancients by Paul D. Smith.

Please keep in mind that by listing these here, I am not necessarily recommending them! For my ratings, reviews, and recommendations, make sure to follow me on Goodreads.

In heaven…

A series of my late grandmother’s favorite books.

I like to think about heaven sometimes and imagine it as a place with unlimited books and unlimited time to read them all. There are rooms and rooms full of old favorites and new ones picked especially for me. This is where I go to be alone, my heart full of worship to a God who allowed us to be so creative and thoughtful and gave us language and heartbreak and story. I curl up in the most comfortable chair, which is situated by an enormous fireplace that keeps me perfectly warm and contented. And even as I read, my mind fully engaged, my heart knows that this is a gift from God and worships Him in quiet.

And when I want to take a break from reading, not from boredom, but because I finished the most wonderful story and my mind needs time to hold it in and turn it over and process and wonder at what I’ve just read, I wander into the craft room. This room is full of unlimited supplies and I am full of unlimited talent and creativity. Here I create a masterpiece of epic proportions and skill.

There are other people in this room, and we bond over shared projects, while I admire their unique creativity, and they admire mine. We worship God over over shared, and yet somehow vastly different, interests. How could He have created such beings? So alike and so different and so able to create new and wonderful things?

I finish my project and in my delight, I soar instead of walk to the next room, which is full of instruments and music and every emotion imaginable, expressed and unexpressed, through song.

Some people in this room I knew from the craft room already, but some faces are new to me. But I am not nervous or embarrassed or ashamed by my lack of talent. Because here we are all equals, we are all unique, and beautiful, and skilled in our own amazing, new ways.

I sit at the piano and my fingers instinctively know how to play the music that is in my heart. It is deep and full-bodied. It starts low, crying out to God, asking to know him better. But soon the music turns uplifting, even as my prayer is answered and I know Him better. My soul lifts from my body, dancing in worship, crying and laughing, in tears and jubilation, my fingers back at my body dancing over the keys in perfect rhythm and melody.

Here, in heaven, everything I make is unique, and epic, and glorious.

I finish the day over a meal that has been prepared by friends and family who spent the day in the kitchens, not out of duty or obligation, but out of the joy of cooking. Again, I am presented with old favorites from my time on earth, but also with new dishes with tastes and flavors that appeal just to me. And I don’t worry about my waistline or about calories or what I look like as I dig in to the most scrumptious meal I have ever tasted. 

I am sitting between my two grandmothers, who I had lost in my lifetime on earth, but had greeted me with hugs when I had arrived here in heaven. I remember their beauty had astounded me, as on earth they had been quite old by the time I came around. But here they were their truest selves, and I adored them more than ever. 

The rest of the table is filled with old friends and new, and we sit in perfect harmony, laughing and praising and loving our King. Soon He joins us at our table, and our joy is made complete in His company. He laughs with us, and when I catch His eye, my very being is shaken in His look: He knows me, really knows me, and He loves me.

Even as I think these things about heaven, I realize He has given us a foretaste of these things here on earth. They aren’t perfect, but if I look around and notice, I can see it. And even now, I know that when He looks at me, He knows me - really knows me - and He loves me. 

Are you hungry right now?

“Are you hungry right now?” I asked.

“Yes, starving!” They both answered. 

We were driving home from delivering a meal to friends who were sick. They were used to the drill: rushing to get in the car, clad in PJs and slippers - or in summer, no shoes at all, bellies rumbling because we won’t eat our dinner until we get home. This is just something we do every month or so.

The fact that we do this so often makes me chuckle. I always end up in a bad mood, we are always rushed, the kids whine. I do not consider myself a good cook, so serving people with meals seems out of my wheelhouse. Yet we keep doing it, and that night it became an opportunity for good conversation.

“Mom, sometimes it feels like we are the only ones in the world who love Jesus,” my daughter said, in her usual hyperbolic and dramatic way. “I mean, us, the people at my school, and the people at our church are the only ones.”

I laughed. “That’s actually a lot of people!” But I could tell she needed more.

“The fact is, there are many people all around the world who love Jesus. But there are also many people who don’t.”

“Does it matter that they don’t? I mean, won’t Jesus still love them?”

Oh goodness, this is a lot to discuss when I’m in a bad mood and my own stomach is grumbling (the word is hangry).

“It matters in the end whether people believe in Jesus or not. He loves everyone, and it’s our responsibility to tell them that and show them with our lives how Jesus loves them. When you follow Jesus, you are supposed to think of how you can love and care for others, not just yourself. Sometimes that even means putting the needs of others before your own needs.”

“How do you do that?”

That’s when the brain wave came. We were literally doing just that. (These are the times I know God is giving me the words to say, and I can take no credit.) I asked them if they were hungry, knowing full well how hungry we all were. It was a dinner they both actually liked - a rare occasion indeed! And we were looking forward to getting home to dig in. But first, we had jumped in the car to deliver a meal to someone else. 

“That’s just one example of putting the needs of others in front of our own. We are hungry, but we brought a meal to someone else first. They felt loved, cared for, and seen. And that’s showing them the love of Jesus.”

And then we got home and ate. 

So I will continue to bring meals, rushing the kids to the car, so that they can see God’s love in action through me, through them, even through their rumbling bellies. And then we’ll come home and eat, knowing that God loves and provides for us, too. 

The Free Gift

Some of the little kids I get to teach at church on Sundays. I love them!

In my job, I get to teach many different age groups about Jesus. It’s pretty wonderful, actually. But it does come with a fair share of frustration. It’s one of the few places I feel completely free to share about Jesus! I guess I like to hope that when I’m sharing something I am passionate about and has been so life-changing, that I would have an appreciative and receptive audience, right?

Well, my audience are kids. So usually they are being silly, and not sitting down, and asking when snack is, and poking their friends, and taking off their shoes, and picking their nose. 

So I like to set up this scenario for them:

What if you did something really bad and your mom and dad found out about it? Even if you said you were sorry and genuinely felt bad, they might still give you a punishment, right? Like make you sit in time out, or go to your room, or take away TV or video games. But what if I knew what you did and knew that you’d be punished, but I loved you so much that I didn’t want you to have to take your punishment, so I decided to come over and take your punishment for you? I’d say, “Let me sit here in time out and you go back to playing.” Or “I’ll sit here in your room for you, so you can ride your bike.” What would you say to that? Would you be so happy? Would you say “thank you!”? Would you love me so much for what I did?

Usually at this point in the story, the kids are looking at me in wonder, fully engrossed, fingers out of noses, and then get so excited and yell and maybe even jump up and tell me how good that sounds and that’d be great and even about their last punishments that they wish that had happened for!

That’s when I can drop the lesson on them. “Well, that’s what Jesus did for us! The Bible says that the punishment for sinning is death [Romans 6:23] but even while we were still sinning, Jesus died for us! [Romans 5:8] He came to earth as a little baby and when he grew up, he died in our place. Everybody sins, but if you know Jesus, he takes our punishment for us. All you have to do is accept this amazing gift!”

In my experience, this story never fails.

That is until about 4th grade.

The last time I taught in 4th grade, I decided to try this hypothetical again. I really do think it’s helpful at any age (hey, it still helps me to understand and appreciate just a little bit of what happened on that cross). But the response I got was markedly different.

When I got to the end and asked my questions: What would you say to that? Would you be so happy? Would you say “thank you!”? Would you love me so much for what I did? The responses were surprisingly solemn. We went around the room and each child said something along the lines of “Well, that wouldn’t be fair. Even if you offered to do that, I’d still take the punishment because I’m the one who did something bad so I should take the punishment.”

Honestly, I was stunned. I asked myself what happens in a child’s brain between preschool and 4th grade. Even before I did a quick Google search, I had guessed the answer: the development of empathy and personal responsibility. The irony is that these are good things! We want our children to be empathetic and take personal responsibility! But these are also the things that get in the way of accepting the free gift that Jesus offers.

Those 4th graders that day were thinking about me, and realizing that they needed to take responsibility. It shouldn’t be me taking the punishment, it should be them!

This is one of the reasons (and there are others, I think) why I think we are called to be like little children. God wants us to accept His good gifts to us, and little children are ready and willing to do so. They completely understand why someone would love them so much, they would take their punishment for them. They cheer when someone even talks about taking their punishment for them. 

This is why being called to be like a little child as an adult is so important. We’ve already learned (hopefully!) empathy and personal responsibility, but we are marrying it with the whole-hearted acceptance of the free gift of grace. Honestly, it’s hard to do.

I have decided to amend the story next time I teach the older kids. I can start to work in the ideas of confession and repentance, as well, and talk about the new creations we are when we accept what Jesus offers. I’m thankful for their more mature minds and complex thinking process that can grasp more and more of what following Christ actually means (something we, as Christians, are called to do until the end) and that as children get older, we can engage them more fully on what we ourselves are learning.

But after teaching that 4th grade class that day, I have thought often about their reluctance to just accept. Most days, I think I can do it on my own. But what if I took a moment every morning and just accepted, holding my arms open in acceptance of this love pouring down on me? I don’t deserve it, but I also can’t live fully, abundantly, and in complete freedom without it. Lord Jesus, help me to be like a little child.

What’s on the Book Pile?

It’s been over a year since my last “What’s on the Book Pile?” post, so I felt like it was time to write one again. Thankfully, when I looked at the last book pile picture that I took, there are no books that are still on there a year later. That would have been embarrassing (though not unprecedented!). My biggest accomplishment in that time, book-wise, was finishing Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, an epic fantasy series consisting of 14 rather large books that represented almost a decade of my life. Read my review on the final book here (don’t worry, it’s short!).

So here is my current book pile:

1. The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. I have been very interested in the Enneagram lately. I know it’s become very trendy, so normally I would not be interested (part of being a 4 on the Enneagram, I’ve learned!) but it has been a tremendous tool for self-growth in the past six months.

2. Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. This was a pick for our church’s reading group last month, and as usual, I did not finish it in time for the discussion. It is a hard, but I would argue necessary, read. I will be finishing it.

3. Erak’s Ransom (Ranger’s Apprentice series) by John Flanagan. The fiction on the book pile this month. (If you follow my book piles, you will note the fiction books switch out much faster than the non-fiction.)

4. Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime by Dr. Ray Guarendi.

5. The Brothers Karamozov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Another reading group pick unfinished, but to be fair, this is a re-read for me. I got about halfway through it and then had to miss the reading group meeting. Do I take it off the book pile because I have read it in the past? Or do I finish it this time because I don’t remember it at all? So now it’s stuck on the book pile due to my indecision.

6. You Who? By Rachel Jankovic.

7. Full: Food, Jesus, and the Battle for Salvation by Asheritah Ciuciu.

Not pictured (Virtual Book Pile - Audible or Kindle):

Taliesin (Pendragon Cycle, book 1) by Stephen R. Lawhead
Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code by Eoin Colfer
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
Jason and the Droconauts: The Council of Ancients by Paul D. Smith

Please keep in mind that by listing these here, I am not necessarily recommending them! For my ratings, reviews, and recommendations, make sure to follow me on Goodreads.

Lifter of my Head

This is a name for God that feels life-saving to me.

It is for those whose body and soul are bent over, who are trudging through the mire, with tear stained faces, who carry heavy burdens, who are world weary. Those who are dragging one foot in front of the other, not knowing to where, never looking up. 

And suddenly He appears. His very presence washes away the mud that surrounds feet. He gently puts his hand under my chin. He lifts my weary head. He looks into my tear-stained eyes. And finally, finally, hope fills my heart.

He looked at me with love. He drew me out of many waters. He delighted in me. Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

And it all started when he lifted my head so I could keep my gaze on him. 

Psalm 3:3. Psalm 18:16, 19. Psalm 16:6.

Scars

Today we decided we love Audrey’s right eyebrow even more than the other one.

But it didn’t start that way. She was playing with make-up when all of a sudden she said, “I don’t like my eyebrow because of the bald spot from the scar.” This simple statement hit me in the gut. It was the first time I had heard her look in the mirror and state something she didn’t like about herself. I’m not saying it’s never happened, although I pray it hasn’t before, but it was the first time I had heard it. And then I said something that I truly believe was straight from God. “What? That eyebrow is my favorite because it tells a story! A story of heroism and bravery.” She looked at me like I was crazy so I explained: it’s the story of a little girl who got hurt and had to be sewn up, with needle and thread, who was so scared, but bravely let the doctors work to sew her eyebrow back together.

And then I showed her how she could fill it in with eyebrow pencil.

But you know what? She rubbed it off and said she liked it better without.

We talked about it several more times today and then she asked me what part of me told a story. And I said “what about my belly? It tells the best story!” And of course she knew I meant having my two precious babies.

She’s been long asleep now but I can’t stop thinking about it. What if we always looked at our scars like that? What if instead of despairing of how they mar our bodies and despising them, what if we saw them for the stories and the healing they represent? Because with each scar, there was healing. The bigger the scar, the bigger the healing. And that is something to be grateful for!

Reflections on my Week without Emojis

 “I’d like to reflect on what it might mean to be good stewards of language - what it might mean to retrieve words from the kinds of misuse, abuse, and distortion to which they’ve been subjected of late, and to reinvigorate them for use as bearers of truth and as instruments of love.” - Marilyn McEntyre, Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies

I have been following these daybook posts this Lent, written by Tamara Murphy, to help fully engage with the meaning of Lent and realize more and more my daily need for my Savior. I appreciate my friend’s thoughtfulness in putting together these posts, where she includes “Look” (some sort of visual), “Listen” (a meaningful song), “Read” (Scripture), “Pray” (some form of special prayer), and “Do” (a task for the day/week). The first four are relatively easy and quick to finish. The “Do” section actually takes more time and sacrifice (😱). But when I committed to “fully engage”, I decided that had to include the “Do” section of the posts, as well. This has brought me on a journey that I did not expect: showing me God’s mercy when confronted with my sin and overwhelming guilt, and removing my usual coping mechanisms so all I can do is turn to Jesus.

These are all posts for another day. Today, I just want to reflect on the weekly fast that we just completed, namely fasting from all emojis and any other replacements for language, like social media “likes”. At first I thought would be easy and a little bit silly, but it actually turned into a great experiment on love and language, and I would like to share a few of my reflections:

-I use social media “likes” as a form of laziness. I don’t want to comment about what I’m really thinking (“what a cute baby” or “I’ll be praying for you!”) so I just press “like” and move on. This past week, I had to be a lot more discerning. If I felt strongly enough to “like” something, I actually had to use the words! And being on the other side of posting, I know the words are actually a lot more meaningful than the number of “likes”.

-Sometimes I use emojis as a form of laziness, too. And sometimes I don’t! Sometimes I spend a few agonizing minutes trying to find just the right symbol (or series of symbols) to express exactly what I am feeling and/or doing. But how is the other person supposed to know the difference? The only way for a person to know I’ve put thought into what I am saying is to actually write out the words.

-I had to express my feelings more than I am usually comfortable with. There are a lot of people that I love, but it feels much less vulnerable to just say “❤️” than to say “I love you.” Usually that’s what I mean when I add a “❤️”, but for some reason, I feel like I’m giving over more of me when I have to say the words.

-Text conversations last a lot longer! It’s just an easy way to end a conversation when you can jot off a quick “❤️😘”. That usually means “Love ya, bye” when you get that from me. But instead, I’d have to write: “I love you, friend. Hope you have a great day. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Etc etc etc. This actually led to some very sweet exchanges, but definitely not as convenient!

-My laziness knows no bounds. By the end, I had more and more conversations like this (mostly with my husband, who knew what I was doing):

I won’t be giving up emojis again any time soon, but I do think this helped me to realize how lazy I’ve become in my language. Emojis are fun and cute (and help to indicate joking when it’s hard to express that in texts!) but I want to make more of an effort to really tell people how I feel and show them the respect that they deserve.

The Value of One

The photo above is an excerpt from the notes from my Bible study this past week, the words of which meant so much to me. We were studying the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Matthew 18:10-14 (which, coincidentally, is what I am basing my new children’s book on!) and discussing the great value that God puts on each one of His children.

I have spent most of my life wishing I could do something big and bold for God, feeling like I could do more, and feeling restless in my current situation, which felt too small and insignificant. But the older I get, the more I realize the great value that God puts on the life lived faithfully that may feel “small”; that this calling of mine, though it sometimes feels small and insignificant, is beautiful and valuable to Him.

We know that God’s economy is different than ours (the first shall be last, the least shall be greatest, etc.), and what He values looks very different than what the world values (and even sometimes what we Christians value). But the life lived “small” is incredibly valuable to God. In fact, in this parable, the Shepherd leaves the many - the big flock, the service to many, or what could stand for a big project or large ministry - and goes in search of the ONE.

I love the value God puts on the ONE. That means he values me, and you, and every baby, child, and adult. And even in addition to that, it means he values “the ministry of one” as my Bible study teacher said. It may feel small, but it isn’t to God. He’s calling us to be faithful, in the small and the big. And really, it usually is the small. It is clear that God can use the big - think Billy Graham - but most of us are called to live small lives, impacting the small circle of those around us. And that is beautiful, valuable, wonderful to God.

So I thank you, God, that you see this small life of mine, that you value the ONE, that you see and value me when I can only serve ONE. Thank you that you come as a whisper (1 Kings 19:12). In this world of “the bigger, the better”, that is not what you value. When you were asked who is the greatest, you called forth a child (Matt. 18:1-2). You are bigger; you are better; and that is enough for us. And I thank you for being that for me, for valuing this small, but not insignificant, life of mine, and for giving me contentment in it.

I pray that for you, too.

Yet Another Ode to October

Warm, cozy, cool and brisk

Fireplace, candles, snuggly blankets.

Foggy mornings, freezing nights

Sunshine bright on colorful trees.

Orange, yellow, brown, dry

Crackle, crisp, colorful pile.

 Boots, sweaters, vest and gloves

Hats and mittens crocheted with love.

Scarecrows, hay bales, tall corn maze

Smoky scent lingering in air

Pumpkins, gourds, apples, spices

Pie and cider, Thanksgiving feast

Ravens, cats, spooky ghosts

Costumes, Candy, candy corn

Anticipation, the One True Story

Merry, peace, joy, and love.