Let’s Notice Together

I think about the book The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker a lot since reading it last year. The subtitle says it all: “131 Ways to Spark Creativity, Find Inspiration, and Discover Joy in the Everyday.” I loved the idea that how you notice and what you do with what you’ve noticed can all be an art form. And that is pretty much what the entire list is about: what people have decided to notice and how. I took some notes and had a few ideas for how I could replicate some in my own life, but none have come to much fruition. Still, I can’t get the book out of my head, because my biggest takeaway was just to take time to notice, well, anything!

For a while, I tried to notice anything odd, and even better, snap a picture of it. I chose “odd” rather than “beautiful” because oddities tell stories and make you curious. The first example that comes to mind is when I saw a motorcycle parked on the sidewalk outside the local library. Immediately questions came to mine and a story formed: Who parked it there? Were they in a hurry for a certain book? What book can make someone that hurried? Is there treasure I should know about? Scavenger hunt? Or maybe it was someone important? I have no idea, but to this day, I wonder!

On another day, I saw a orange traffic cone perched at the top of a tree. How did it get there? Did someone put it there? Was it an industrious squirrel? Or a giant?

These are fun examples, and I hope I can keep up this practice. But it’s actually not the point of this post. The point is that efforts to be present in my every day life, to “eliminate hurry”*, to practice noticing, are worth pursuing.

As a Christian, I actually think I have the same calling: to lift up my head and see life for what it really is. And if I use my lenses of “beauty, freedom, and abundance”, the results can be profound. I really love the idea that not only can noticing be an art form, it can also be a spiritual discipline. (I would argue that creating any art is actually a spiritual practice, which I’ve always known in my soul but have learned more practically from these art classes.)

So I will continue to notice oddities (there may be an occasional blog post), but also every season I want to pursue noticing different things that I set up beforehand, engaging many or all of my senses. For example, this fall, I want to notice anytime:

I see the colors of the trees.

I hear the sound of the leaves on the ground.

I smell and taste fall spices.

I feel soft blankets.

All these things come so naturally in autumn, and maybe that’s why I love this season. Maybe I’ve spent my whole life really noticing fall, and therefore finding the most joy this time of year. That’s good. That’s the whole point.

And it’s also good to start with an easy one!

Will you join me in taking notice, in the hopes that it will keep us really living in the present? What goals would you set for yourself to notice this season?

*This quote is from a chapter I read from the book The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg.

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Blessed are those who Mourn

This post is a part 2 to what I wrote a couple days ago. I split the post in half, because the first part felt like it should be poetry. This post is mostly to tie up what I was saying, as well as highlight the words of the amazing Deacon at our church. May we all live by her words.

We make room for lament and grief in the church calendar during Lent, and it is the season that speaks to the depths of my soul. It is missing or overlooked too often in churches. We all know the time for rejoicing is coming - and has already come - but we need to take time to grieve now. 

Jesus models this for us so beautifully when he took time to weep for Lazarus. Why? Why did Jesus do this when He knew Lazarus would be alive again soon? Why is it even recorded in the Bible?

Because we are not meant to skip the weeping. It is part of the process of healing and abundant life. It is hard. But it is good.

Psalm 126:5-6 says,

May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy, carrying their sheaves.

My friend, the Reverend Jan Buchanan says about these verses, 

He does not tell us to stop weeping. We are not told to stop crying so we can get back to work (sowing). We are instructed to go out weeping – to keep doing kingdom work in whatever way our grief allows. The promise of coming back in with joy and with abundance (sheaves) is not dependent on us wiping our faces and getting ourselves together enough to work, but rather the promise is for those who, in their grieving, keep moving forward in the work God as called them to do, in whatever capacity our particular grief allows.

To that I say “Yes, and Amen”.

Mourn with those who Mourn

I wrote this after wondering why I do this to myself sometimes: I just let myself sit and cry, and the grief isn’t always my own. Sometimes I’m crying for friends or family who are hurting, I’m crying for the church, or the world. It feels like a heavy cost, and I wonder what is the payoff? And then I remembered God’s upside-down kingdom, and our prayer to “Let your kingdom come.” Something in me stirred and I realized these tears are kingdom work. I can’t explain it, but this is me trying.

I invite Grief in to sit with me and weep.

Alone, with no one to hear or see,

I cry with those in mourning,

For the oppressed,

And for the suffering.

I know this weeping is good work, 

But I don’t know why. 

I know it keeps my heart soft,

My eyes open, my ears listening.

I know Grief is a friend of mine.

But Grief is more than just for me.

Grief is a warrior.

One who fights for the suffering.

And when I invite Grief in,

I am a warrior, too.

When I sit with the grief of others

I am advancing the kingdom of God.

My tears are doing battle.

I am alone with Grief,

But I am doing the work of God.

I can’t explain it,

But I know it’s good. 

My friendship with Grief is a gift.

A gift I will willingly share with others,

Even though it costs me.

Even when they don’t know,

I share this gift with others

Because I have nothing else to give. 

My tears are the widow’s mite, 

An offering to God.

I invite Grief in to sit with me and weep.

Alone, with no one to hear or see.

I cry with those who suffer,

For those who are oppressed,

And for those who mourn.

An Abundance of Time

If you’ve been reading my blog or looking at my artwork recently, you will already know that the three words that I’ve been meditating on are beauty, freedom, and abundance. These are the three areas I have been trying to live into and see everywhere. And believe it or not, you can find these things everywhere, if you will just have eyes to see them. Sometimes “eyes to see” just means taking the time to look, sometimes it means shifting your perspective, sometimes it could even mean some serious self-care or mental healthcare. 

Today I want to talk about my path of seeing the abundance of God, and even how it relates it to my anxiety. This is just my story, and everyone will have a different story to tell. But I hope it can be an encouragement to someone.

I have heard that anxiety is your body being constantly ready for something to happen, even if there is no immediate threat! I feel this a lot when it comes to time or productivity. My natural inclination when I feel high anxiety is to just go with it and keep doing and doing and doing until I can cross off as many things as possible from my list. Logically, this should make me feel better, right? If I’m anxious about there being enough time to get everything done, then a few hours of high productivity should make me feel better! Unfortunately, that’s never how it works. 

I remember the exact moment it hit me that the opposite is actually true. I was starting to get that panicky feeling. It was getting late in the day and I was tired. I started to notice piles of stuff everywhere (that’s usually how it starts for me: noticing all there is to do). It suddenly feels like I am drowning and I will never be free, never get done, never be good enough. My impulse was to get to work and push through. But then it occurred to me that maybe I actually needed rest, instead.

Now, resting when I am feeling panicky or anxious is really hard! Taking deep breaths, putting on music, taking a walk, playing the piano, or even just sitting outside are all things that have helped me in those moments. Audiobooks help a lot, too. I don’t have it in me to read, but listening can be soothing.

My spiritual director helped me come up with a breath prayer for moments like these as well. I told her about a time earlier that week when I was telling myself “I just have to push through the rest of this day” when a very clear thought came into my head: God doesn’t want me living like this. Every moment is a gift, I don’t want to squander them by just “pushing through”. 

But the truth is, laundry still has to get done, dishes still have to be washed, children still have to be fed. And honestly, those moments won’t just stop coming. So the next time I feel that impulse, praying in the form of deep breaths:

Inhale: Lord, lift up my head

Exhale: To see your beauty

In taking a deep breath, I literally have to change my posture and actually lift up my head. But I am metaphorically changing my posture, too. I am asking for “eyes to see”, even in those hard moments. 

One of my goals this year was to do more things that have no purpose, or that don’t make sense on the outside. And with the aforementioned realization of needing rest instead of more work, it suddenly felt like this goal was the answer! Just taking the time when you feel like there is no time somehow multiplies the time! This is God’s economy at work, friends. This is abundance.

Rob Walker, in The Art of Noticing, claims that taking the time to notice our surroundings in different ways sparks creativity. I say absolutely yes, and so much more. Taking the time to do something different, or seemingly pointless, helps us see the abundance of God! Not just in our time (but that, too!) but in our world! 

And I have found that in making an effort to take that time, my anxiety about having enough time has lessened. 

Surrendering this to God has been hard, and breaking the patterns of 40 years of living is definitely going to be a process - one that I am doing imperfectly (and that’s OK!). I know God is continuing a good work in me and it’s bigger than I can put in this post. But I have been amazed at how much I have been set free in the surrendering, and how much more I can see of the beauty all around and the abundant life He promises.

This is a little infographic to help me remember that God’s economy looks different from ours. Somehow He multiplies where we hoard.

A Harvest of Abundance

I wrote a few weeks (maybe months?) ago about an art journaling class I am taking hosted by my friend, Farrell. In the process of taking this class, three words began to emerge as powerful and meaningful to me: beauty, freedom, and abundance. I’ve noticed how somehow those three words are showing up in every art journal page, so I decided to do a blog series featuring some of my pages, and just explaining my thought process of each.

This page’s assignment was to create a pumpkin, perfect for this time of year. I wanted to paint a teal, knobbly pumpkin with lots of texture. I used a stencil of grapes to make the texture you see all over the pumpkin.

Grapes have become a symbol of abundance for me. And harvest time really is a time of abundance, isn’t it? The harvest is coming in before the winter and all of a sudden it’s easy to see the abundance of food and life. But all too soon, winter sets in and our mindset of scarcity is back. In fact, I would say that most of our lives are lived out of scarcity. Sometimes I wonder if we actually prefer to live in scarcity: there’s always not enough time, not enough money, not enough space, not enough love.

But seeing the world with eyes of abundance is worth fighting for, and I believe it’s what God wants for us! I highly recommend this video by the Bible Project on Generosity. This is exactly what the video talks about: that scarcity is a mindset, and Jesus calls us to live differently.

In this pumpkin I wrote “a harvest of abundance” in the corner, because not only does a harvest imply abundance, but I also want to harvest a mindset of abundance in my life. It takes work; it takes a shift of my thoughts. But I know it’s worth it.

Reynie

We just adopted the most adorable Dwarf Netherland bunny. I should say that technically he was a gift to our daughter for her 10th birthday, but he has quickly made his way into all of our hearts. After much thought, she decided to name him Reynie, after the main character in a great series of middle grade novels! It also suits his gray color. So here are a few illustrations/sketches that I’ve been playing around with of bunnies, as well as a nature scene that I dropped a bunny into (and a real picture for reference)!

Beauty, Freedom, Abundance

These three words have been on my heart the past few months and I finally realized that this is how I want to see the world, with eyes that seek beauty, freedom, and abundance. I want them to be written on the frame in which I see every landscape, every sorrow, every joy, every face. But sometimes I need the reminder to actively seek these things, and not expect them to just come passing by.

Today I read in The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker that you should take a piece of plastic and point it at a scene. Then describe that scene with markers on the piece of plastic. Now shift the plastic to another scene and see how the words could possibly fit. I thought I can make that work with my three words as well!

So this is the scene I look at from my office, and these are the three things I want to seek in every place I look. It’s easy to see them here. But may I be the kind of person that can find these three things anywhere and then help to show them to others as well.

Musings on the Fear Mountain

The fear is like a mountain, only it’s like a living mountain with arms that reach out to me in my weaker moments. I think the mountain can shrink over time. In fact, if I’m reading the Bible correctly, I think that’s what happens eventually. The fear shrinks and shrinks and then disappears. I’m not sure if that ever happens completely this side of heaven, though. In my experience, limited though it is, the mountain never goes anywhere. It’s a mountain. It doesn’t move. It doesn’t get smaller. 

It’s just a matter of whether I look at it or not. 

It’s a matter of whether I give it space in my thoughts or not. 

It’s a matter of me saying “God is good.” And then realizing if I really believe that, then fear can have no room in my heart. 

It’s a matter of saying “Do I trust God or not?” If the answer is yes, then I cannot look at that mountain. I can’t even glance that way. My only response is to stare into the face of Jesus and never look away. 

Someone once asked me about the fear. I’m sorry to say that my response sounded callous. It is because I have realized that even talking about the fear gives it room in my heart sometimes. But later I revisited the conversation and said “I didn’t mean to sound callous. The fear you mentioned is heavy on my heart. But I just cannot give it room anymore.”

The fear is still there, and it’s a mountain. A mountain of fear. A scary mountain with rampaging arms and gnashing teeth. 

But it’s getting easier not to look at it.

Do I trust God or not? Even with the most precious things in my life, do I trust him? 

Before having children, “trusting in Jesus” was a completely abstract idea for me. I could say that I trusted Jesus, but I was never put to the test, so I’m not sure I actually did. I’m struck that in order to actually trust Jesus, I had to be left feeling completely helpless first. And if having children enter the world doesn’t do that to a parent, I don’t know what will. (I know it’s not just having children that teaches trust, that’s just how it worked for me.)

So do I trust God or not? Even with the most precious things in my life, do I trust him? 

That question has become my mantra. 

It never occurred to me before how much this sounded like Peter walking on water. He had to keep his eyes on Jesus or he would fall. And he did fall. 

I guess I should admit that sometimes I do glance over at the mountain. That is my fall. I imperfectly keep my eyes on Jesus. But I also can see how far I’ve come. 

Maybe that’s a better metaphor. Maybe I am walking and the mountain used to be looming above me, obstructing my path. But walking with Jesus in the helpless moments gave me the way around it, and I am slowly making my way towards him, away from the mountain. Maybe that’s why the mountain never shrinks, it just is easier not to look at it all the time because I have taken steps away from it. But it’s still there, and if I give it room, it can take up my whole heart again. 

I guess the metaphor falls apart here. 

Nevertheless, the fear is a mountain and it hasn’t gone away. But the question “Do I trust God or not?” has made all the difference. That simple, terrifying, surrendering question has made all the difference and I am a new person because of it. Because I can say that yes, I do. 

Artwork Update

I have not been posting much because I have completely lost control of my summer schedule. You know how in the beginning of summer you put together a “Summer Bucket List” and a daily schedule and you have such high hopes because this summer is going to be different? Well it’s only July 9 and I have given up on the daily schedule or getting any of my own work done!

But just because I haven’t been posting or illustrating (either for my upcoming book or for Instagram), doesn’t mean I haven’t been art-ing. First of all, I have been taking an art journaling course with my friend Farrell called “Take Heart”. I highly recommend this course! It has been so fun to just completely let loose and be free of expectations in my art! And it is geared towards anyone - you do not have to have any prior artistic knowledge (or be local, as the lessons are on YouTube and the meetings are over Zoom).

I’ve also been playing around with different digital art, as seen in the gallery below. I love to support other artists and one of them creates beautiful brushes for Procreate (the app I use for most of my illustrations). Her brushes are the ones I used for these, and I just love how they turned out. I will be adding all of these to my shop on Society6.

So that’s my summer so far! What about you? Have you lost control of your summer, too?

Some Fairy Sketches

A few weeks ago, I introduced you to my newest character: a fairy named Lucy. While I’m not ready to show you any of my actual finished illustrations of her yet, I thought it might be interesting to see some of the sketches that got me to my final product. Do you have a favorite?

Book Update and Illustrating Scenes

Friends, I am so excited to say that I am close to being done with my next children’s book! But I am also very nervous, because that means I actually have to start sending it out for other people to read, and even worse… critique. In the next couple weeks, I will share a few sketches and maybe even some complete illustrations that I will be submitting along with the manuscript. So keep checking back here!

For now I’ll say this: the story is about a fairy named Lucy. I’ve gone back and forth with the idea of a fairy as my main character. Have fairies been overdone? Is this too much like Tinkerbell? But there is just something so appealing to me about fairies, and this character in particular being a fairy, that I just couldn’t have her be anything else. I hope that when you read the book, you’ll agree with me that she couldn’t have been anything else.

And now I will leave you with a few scenes that I have illustrated, mostly for practice in drawing full-page spreads. Thank you for joining me on this journey!

I'm trying to be brave.

Today I did something brave. It’s probably not going to sound brave to a lot of you, but if you know me, then you know it was brave. I took a step out of my comfort zone and signed up for the Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) New England Conference! I have decided to make this children’s book writing real and really make a go of it. Then I was super inspired, so I sat down and wrote three more children’s books that I actually really love and am excited about. I don’t want to say too much about them yet, but over the next few weeks and months, I plan to share snippets of the books and sketches for the illustrations. So I hope you’ll join me on this journey! 

But it got me thinking back to being brave and things that scare us. In this case, sitting down and writing those stories had been on my heart for a while, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I examined the why of this, I realized it was fear. I was too scared to sit down and work on something I cared so much about for fear of failure, for fear of rejection, for fear of not being good enough. So I asked myself that age old question: what is the worst that could happen? I answered with all the usual replies: I might never be traditionally published. I could be rejected over and over again. I might not be good enough.

But those actually weren’t the worst that could happen. The worst thing that could happen would be that I never sat down to do something that I loved.

I am reminding myself over and over again that what really matters is the work: the doing, the practicing, the writing, the drawing. I love these stories. I love to illustrate. The real tragedy would be to never finish these stories, or worse, to never work on them at all. Yes, I want to get them published and it may take some rejection and feeling like I’m not good enough - and those are real fears! But at least I will have finished.

These are a few of my recent character illustrations,
done after taking an art class on drawing full figures (instead of just faces).

Reflections on Lament

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

During Lent this year, our church* has been gathering together (via Zoom) to “practice lament”. This is an intimidating idea to most people: gathering with others with the sole purpose of being sad together. (Letting ourselves be sad when we’re alone is scary enough!) It sounds completely outside our comfort zones and honestly, maybe, rather pointless. Why should we just take time to be sad? And why magnify the sadness by hearing about everyone else’s?

But surprisingly that’s not what happens. The sadness doesn’t feel magnified. And suddenly we don’t feel so alone. 

I am not a pastor or a leader of these groups. I am a participant, and in speaking to other participants I’ve heard things like “I feel so heard”, “I feel so connected to the community”, “I feel hopeful and safe here.” To hear these statements, a year after the world fell apart, and during/after a gathering on lament, is absolutely profound. 

Our pastor often talks about lament being God’s good gift to us in our healing journey. “Lament”, as opposed to just “sadness”, is offering up our sadness to God. And I would add we offer up our sadness to God in expectation - we want to know what He is going to do about it! Sometimes we get an answer, sometimes we don’t. But it is the process, not the answer, that is important.

I can’t help but think of the Pixar movie, Inside Out.** Joy spends the whole movie trying to keep Sadness away from the control board of Riley’s mind. Riley is even commended for her positive outlook, even when things are hard. But in the end, it isn’t Joy who saves the day. Joy finally realizes that the only path to healing Riley is by letting Sadness do her job and take control for a little while. Only when Riley is finally able to express her Sadness, Joy can reenter the picture. And at the end, there is a beautiful picture of Joy and Sadness, hand-in-hand on the control board of Riley’s mind, as Riley snuggles her parents. 

What a stunning picture of Sadness and Joy, co-mingling in healing. The two often have to work together. There is no life without sadness because our world is broken. Unless we know how to find joy in and through sadness, we will have no hope.

We have to learn how to find the joy in the sadness. 

I am constantly reminded of this scene when I “practice lament” with others at my church.

But what’s even better is that we as Christians are not alone with our sadness. Not only do we have each other, we have a God who weeps with us. And as we lift our sadness up to God in lament, He meets us right where we are. 

So I am saying this to you and I am saying this to myself: please, please stop fearing sadness. It is scary to just let ourselves be sad, because what if it breaks us? What if we can’t ever be happy again? But offer your sadness to God and He will meet you in it. 

He came down to earth and experienced suffering first-hand. This is the week we remember Jesus’ journey to the cross, the ultimate in suffering and sacrifice. Meet Him in this suffering. Let yourselves be sad, offer it up as lament, and He will set you on the path of healing to acceptance, to abundance, to joy, and ultimately, the path to Life.

*Church of the Apostles, Bridgeport, CT. Most of what is written here is what I’ve learned there. Except with less Pixar.

**Why do Pixar movies always make it into my blog posts? Let’s pretend it’s because I work with children - but it’s actually just because I think they are phenomenal! And full of good, deep lessons on life!

The story behind the story of Sheldon

I am in the final stages of writing, illustrating, editing, and publishing my next children’s book. It is a long process, especially when it’s more of a hobby than a full-time job! But I am very excited about it and I hope you will take some time to read it when it is finally available. 

Before it comes out, however, I want to tell you a little bit about how it came to be and what it is about.

It is the story of a hermit crab named Sheldon, who yearns for adventure, but instead lives in a glass tank in a pet shop. The idea for this story actually belongs to my Aunt Sue. She originally wrote a little story about Sheldon based on the true events. One summer, my cousin’s son bought two hermit crabs and one of the crabs got loose in their home. We all thought that crab was a goner! But sure enough, a few days later, he found the crab wedged up under the edge of the dog’s water bowl. And he was still alive! We all rejoiced that Sheldon had been found!

A couple years later, I found the little story she had written amidst a crisis going on with that same aunt: her beloved bird, Claude, had escaped out the front door and he was never seen again. This was when I asked her if I could adapt her “Sheldon” story into a children’s book. Somehow the two events seemed linked and resonated in my heart. It wasn’t until adapting the story a bit later did I realize why.

These were two stories of beloved creatures, one lost forever, and one found with much rejoicing. And isn’t that the story of us? Our good Father in heaven looks at us, his beloved creatures, and longs to be with us. And we, in our human nature, run from him. He longs to care for us, to provide for us, but we think we know better. We think his freedom costs too much. We fly out the front door thinking we are flying to freedom, but actually find death. But God is full of compassion, and if we turn back to Him, there is “rejoicing in heaven”. (Luke 15:7)

In adapting this story for a children’s book, I tried to match some elements with parables Jesus tells us in Luke 15. I would encourage you to read that passage with your children before or after reading my story about Sheldon and talk about similarities and differences. I hope this will open up a conversation about God’s unending love of us and his pursuit of us as a good Father.

Finally, thank you to Sue Burke for giving me permission to adapt her story. To Will Heckathorne for being a good father to little Sheldon the crab. And thank you in advance for picking up a copy when it is available.

Is Wealth a Actually a Curse?

In Sunday School we are studying Solomon, who really is a tragic hero (or maybe cautionary tale?) of the Bible. He had a lot to live up to in his father, King David, “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22). In the beginning, there is such hope: Solomon is given the chance to ask God for anything and he asks God for wisdom - already a wise choice! No doubt a king needs wisdom almost more than anything! So God, as he does when someone asks for wisdom (James 1:5) gives it to him. Solomon, perhaps the wisest man in the Bible, or even all of history, writes several of the “wisdom books” of the Bible: Song of Songs, Ecclesiastes, and Proverbs. But then God does more, he gives Solomon wealth beyond imagining! So much so that the Queen of Sheba - a wealthy woman in her own right - is overwhelmed by his “wisdom and wealth”! (1 Kings 10:4-5)

A picture from our curriculum (The Gospel Project) of Solomon writing his Wisdom books

Sadly, though, the story takes a turn. Solomon strays from the Lord and starts worshiping other gods and His reign marks the end of the united nation of Israel. 

This is one of the hardest stories in the Bible for me. I look at Solomon and see so much hope and wisdom (and that was even before asking God for wisdom!). I wonder what went wrong. But I already know what went wrong and want to pretend that I don’t. Wealth. Wealth is where it all went wrong. 

There is no doubt that money corrupts and the love of money is the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10). You can see it running rampant in our society today, even among Christian leaders. We look at these pastors or speakers, who are gaining popularity and wealth, with so much hope. But then we are so disappointed when they fail or the truth they’ve been hiding comes out. But who is strong enough to carry the burden of wealth?

Ironically, Solomon himself seems to know that the pursuit of money and love of wealth can never satisfy. He even says in Ecclesiastes 5:10, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.” And this is just one of many verses from his wisdom books pertaining to wealth and greed. 

Some may say that Solomon’s downfall was his love of foreign women (or just women in general) and followed his lustful desires wherever they took him. But I would argue that wealth is what brought him there in the first place. Wealth leads to power, and power and wealth together lead to ruin and destruction. Again from 1 Timothy 6 (vs. 9, which immediately precedes the “love of money” verse quoted above), “Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.”

So I ask myself, why did God do this to Solomon? Why give him so much wealth? I am sure most people who read this think “God was rewarding Solomon for asking for wisdom!” Indeed, even when I was a child, I remembering thinking, if God ever asks me what I want, I’ll say wisdom and hope he’ll give me wealth, too! Wealth looks like a blessing, but is it actually a curse?

This is a simplistic thought. Solomon’s sinful nature and lack of repentance led to his downfall. But wealth made it easier. It is something worth thinking about today and even asking ourselves. You see, when I said earlier that I didn’t want to acknowledge what I already knew, it’s because I see it in me as well. I likehaving money. I like buying, and shopping, and filling my home and heart with the clutter that money can buy. We treat this as a silly foible. But it should terrify us. Jesus said, “You cannot love both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24) And because of that, I am terrified. 

So I ask myself, and I’ll ask you, in our pursuit of wealth, are we pursuing something that will be a blessing or a curse? No one is strong enough to carry the “blessing” of wealth. So if you gain it, or have it, hold your hands open and ask him to take it and use it. And if you are pursuing it, stop. Pursue God instead. Don’t end up like Solomon and end up in ruin and destruction. Trust me, you are not strong enough to hold on to it yourself. I am not strong enough. Just look at Solomon, the wisest man in the world. 

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” 1 Timothy 6:17

Adding a note here at the bottom to address a few criticisms by my dear husband.

I perhaps did not emphasize that it is not wealth that is the root of all evil, but the love of wealth. The reason I didn’t distinguish these two is because I’m not sure they can be separated. I think it’s impossible to have wealth and not love it a just a little bit. This is what I see in myself (and maybe you’re a better person than I am, that’s fine) and this is what scares me. 

Next, he says, is that I’m asking people to do something that is logically inconsistent: if you love money, how can you hold your hands open and ask God to take it and use it? Well, he’s right, I should have said it this way: you can’t. You need Jesus to even get you to this place. And then you have to do it again every day until either you have victory in this area (which honestly you probably won’t, which is kinda the point of this post), or until you lose all your money, or until you die. But never give in to this struggle (or “logical inconsistency”) because then comes the ruin and destruction. 

And finally, it’s true, we don’t know exactly what led to Solomon’s destruction. The whole post is based on a supposition (hopefully one that doesn’t diminish the truth, though). But I think I’m right and it’s my blog. ☺️ 

Why doesn’t God just kill Satan?

“Why doesn’t God just kill Satan?”

It was another conversation in a car ride. It’s just inevitable. I put on music, I want to lose myself in my own thoughts, but the kids constantly drag me back to the now. And then drop questions on me like this.

“God, give me wisdom,” I think to myself. And I know he does. (James 1:5)

My five-year-old son is obsessed with superhero’s and the bad guys associated with them. In fact, I think there’s a small part of him that’s rooting for the snake in the Garden story! So when he asked this question, it wasn’t in a wistful “I-wish-God-would-just-finish-off-Satan-for-good” kinda way. It was a little more taunting, like “If God is so powerful, why doesn’t he just kill the bad guy?”

I understood this question. It’s one we all ask, isn’t it? Just maybe in a little more mature way: If God is so powerful and good, why is there pain? Why is there sin? Why do bad things happen to good people?

And believe me, I am not here to answer those questions! (Those are questions worth pondering, but I don’t think anyone has all the those answers. And that’s OK.)

By now, my daughter, the rule-follower, picked up the questions out of genuine curiosity and maybe concern. So I needed some sort of reply...

“Well, God will defeat Satan in the end,” I said, dropping some truth on them, while trying to stall for a good answer. “But in the meantime, if there was no sin in the world, there would be no way for us to choose God. Like in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve knew and loved God, but they still had to choose every day not to eat the forbidden fruit. If they didn’t have that option, it wouldn’t have been a choice to obey God.”

Silence. 

“Do you know what I mean that we have to have a choice?”

Blank looks.

“OK, let’s say Audrey really likes a boy so she decides to make him a love potion. She gives him the love potion and he immediately falls in love with her. But it’s not real love, he didn’t really have a choice. It’s all because of the potion. Now Audrey, would you rather that person love you with the love potion or without?”

For a while there were just giggles and horrified looks at the thought of a boy liking her (or her liking a boy!), but finally she answered: “Without.”

“Why?” I asked. (Honestly this was the hardest part. I want to keep talking, to explain. But I was really trying to get them there on their own.)

“Because it’s not real if he’s had a potion. He doesn’t really have a choice to love me.”

“Exactly! So if God killed Satan and we lived with no sin, there would be no choice but to love and serve God! We would be more like robots than people with minds of our own.”

I think the conversation ended there, but my mind stayed on the topic for a while. I know that sin has consequences, and that is why there is so much pain in the world. But it is also amazing to me how God can even redeem sin and use it for his glory and our good. 

And it’s amazing to me that He shows up in these car rides, when I’m tired and even a little annoyed at all the questions. He still shows up, and the results are priceless.

Dear parents: Jesus is enough.

I wrote this letter for our church’s newsletter about a year ago because we were in need of teachers for our Sunday School classes. I reread it recently and realized these words need to be repeated over and over, so I thought I would post this here as well. It is a good reminder for myself as a Christian parent, too! And if you are part of a church body, consider volunteering in children’s ministry. I promise, you will be both blessed and a blessing.

I have had the privilege, in recent months, to teach our oldest class (grades 4-6) a few times, and what a unique and wonderful thing it is! I am always intimidated, because these kids know a lot. And they are smart! And honestly, I’m not that fun a teacher (it’s ok, I know what my strengths are!). So I’m always nervous. But when I leave, I am exhilarated! Because they already know a lot about the Bible and they are so smart, the discussions are deep and interesting! And that is why I call it a privilege. 

I found this article recently and it encouraged me so much, especially in regards to our older kids: 

“What every teen knows, however, is that the church is not cool. The good news is that the church does not have to be cool to be relevant. What the church has is Jesus, and he is enough. (Emphasis added) He is what differentiates the church from every other organization. He’s why the church matters. If the church matters because Jesus matters, then what youth ministries need more of are not entertaining activities but conversations about Jesus.” (Jen Bradbury, “Sticky faith: What keeps kids connected to church?”)

When I read that, I think my heart skipped a beat! That is the benefit of a small class for our preteens: we can have deep discussions. And we need teachers and a curriculum to direct those discussions to Jesus. And He is enough. 

One of the things I love about our current curriculum (The Gospel Project) is the weekly “Christ Connection”. Not only are we taking over three years to study the entire Bible, every week we bring it back to Christ. We have the curriculum part of the equation. 

Honestly, when I started writing this letter to you, I meant it only as an encouragement that we are doing what needs to be done. That you, as parents, are doing what needs to be done. You are teaching Jesus, and He is enough. But now I’m realizing we are still missing the second part of the equation: this class needs more teachers. Please pray about this and consider this unique and wonderful opportunity. 

Are you hungry right now?

“Are you hungry right now?” I asked.

“Yes, starving!” They both answered. 

We were driving home from delivering a meal to friends who were sick. They were used to the drill: rushing to get in the car, clad in PJs and slippers - or in summer, no shoes at all, bellies rumbling because we won’t eat our dinner until we get home. This is just something we do every month or so.

The fact that we do this so often makes me chuckle. I always end up in a bad mood, we are always rushed, the kids whine. I do not consider myself a good cook, so serving people with meals seems out of my wheelhouse. Yet we keep doing it, and that night it became an opportunity for good conversation.

“Mom, sometimes it feels like we are the only ones in the world who love Jesus,” my daughter said, in her usual hyperbolic and dramatic way. “I mean, us, the people at my school, and the people at our church are the only ones.”

I laughed. “That’s actually a lot of people!” But I could tell she needed more.

“The fact is, there are many people all around the world who love Jesus. But there are also many people who don’t.”

“Does it matter that they don’t? I mean, won’t Jesus still love them?”

Oh goodness, this is a lot to discuss when I’m in a bad mood and my own stomach is grumbling (the word is hangry).

“It matters in the end whether people believe in Jesus or not. He loves everyone, and it’s our responsibility to tell them that and show them with our lives how Jesus loves them. When you follow Jesus, you are supposed to think of how you can love and care for others, not just yourself. Sometimes that even means putting the needs of others before your own needs.”

“How do you do that?”

That’s when the brain wave came. We were literally doing just that. (These are the times I know God is giving me the words to say, and I can take no credit.) I asked them if they were hungry, knowing full well how hungry we all were. It was a dinner they both actually liked - a rare occasion indeed! And we were looking forward to getting home to dig in. But first, we had jumped in the car to deliver a meal to someone else. 

“That’s just one example of putting the needs of others in front of our own. We are hungry, but we brought a meal to someone else first. They felt loved, cared for, and seen. And that’s showing them the love of Jesus.”

And then we got home and ate. 

So I will continue to bring meals, rushing the kids to the car, so that they can see God’s love in action through me, through them, even through their rumbling bellies. And then we’ll come home and eat, knowing that God loves and provides for us, too.