Rule of Life for Spiritual Direction

This Rule of Life is a personal framework I follow to stay grounded in God’s presence, remain accountable in my practice, and continue growing as a spiritual director. It reflects both the inward rhythms that shape me and the relational commitments I bring to each session.

Ongoing Commitments to My Own Formation

  • Remain in spiritual direction myself (individual, group, or both)

  • Participate in regular supervision

  • Practice Sabbath keeping

  • Read regularly on spiritual direction, formation, and other Christian themes

  • Attend weekly worship in a local church

  • Maintain a daily practice of contemplative prayer

  • Pray regularly for those I accompany in direction

Before Meeting with a New Directee

When I begin with someone new, we first meet to get to know each other. In that conversation, I:

  • Explain what spiritual direction is and what a session might look like

  • Invite any questions or concerns

  • Clarify that spiritual direction is completely confidential. If we see each other in another setting, I won’t reference anything we’ve discussed, or even the fact that I’m their spiritual director, unless they choose to do so.

  • Emphasize that posture during silence is up to them: journaling, closing their eyes, looking around, or simply being present in whatever way feels like prayer

  • Recommend journaling after sessions

  • If the directee is also a friend, I clarify that this is a different kind of relationship and I may show up differently than in other settings

  • Suggest we begin with three sessions over three months, then pause to discern whether to continue. If we do, we re-evaluate annually.

  • Let them know payment is based on what they feel able to give.

During the First Few Sessions

As we begin spiritual direction together, I gently introduce some practices and explain their meaning:

  • Any Scripture I bring is not chosen with the directee in mind but is simply what I’ve been praying with or drawn to

  • We light a candle to mark the sacredness of the time and space

  • I explain the silences, especially the first one, and offer guidance on what to do if silence feels unfamiliar

My Inner Posture During Sessions

  • Ground myself with deep breathing

  • Let go of anxiety and trust that God is at work

  • Allow silences to linger, resisting the urge to fill space too quickly

  • Stay flexible—willing to adapt scripture, silence, or explanations based on the directee's needs

  • Gently help the directee "stay with" what is stirring in them

  • Listen for signs of greater freedom or spaciousness in their sharing

Additional Practices and Preferences

  • I may offer Godly Play stories at the beginning of a session if the directee is open to it

  • Occasionally, I recommend a book—but I wait at least 24 hours before sharing a suggestion to give it prayerful consideration

  • I avoid engaging in casual conversation immediately after a session, giving space for the experience to settle