Fear and Safety

For those of you out there who have wondered, Ryan and I live in Hyderabad, which is about 8 hours away from Mumbai, where the attacks were.  For all our friends in the Northeast, it's about the same distance from Bridgeport, CT to Buffalo, NY.  I'll admit to looking that up after we heard about the attacks.  I wanted to know what kind of distance separated me from all this horror.  I was not comforted; I wanted it to be a lot farther. I guess the thing that gets to me is that these gunmen were seeking out Americans and Britons.  And believe me, from living here, I know how much we stick out!  All these events have got me thinking about racism and persecution. As a white person, growing up in suburban Connecticut, I don't think I've ever been on the receiving end of it.  On the one hand, it's probably good for us, to know how it feels to be afraid because of the color of your skin.  But on the other hand, no one should ever have to feel this way.

I have been trying to tell myself that we are safer here in Hyderabad than the people were in Mumbai.  I say, "Mumbai was the business capital of India, and therefore more of a target.  It is a peninsula and easily accessible via water."  And while those things may be true, it doesn't really assure anything.  And I've been imagining what those people were going through, when they were asked at gun point, where they were from.

I call myself a Christian, and yet I still have so much fear in my life.  I've always been like that, and kidded about it often on this blog, but this fear is so much more real than ever before.  I guess it comes down to a matter of trust.  I'm supposed to believe in God, and in His will for my life.  But it is so hard for me to surrender my own control and trust in His.  Every time I read the Psalms, I'm always amazed at David's trust in God.  He was being pursued, his very life was being hunted.  And yet at the end of so many of his psalms, he says "but I will trust in your unfailing love".  It's like he was saying, "Despite all the men chasing after me, wanting me dead, I will still trust in God, because His love for me does not fail."  I wish I could trust like that.  It's definitely something I need to work on, not just so that I can have some sort of peace in the rest of our time here in India, but for the rest of my life, however long that may be.

All this to say that my thoughts and prayers are with those affected by the tragedy in Mumbai, as well as with this nation, that it may someday be at peace.