What I've Learned from Audrey: A Work in Progress

I started writing a post entitled "What I've Learned from Audrey" and had so many points listed out, I thought instead that it could be a series, of which this is the second. When I first started writing that post, I'll be honest, it was just to get one done in the month of May. But it really caused me to start thinking about the past two years, all I've learned, and how much I've changed through motherhood. And once in a while, a little introspection is probably a good thing. One of the scariest things about motherhood is the burden that we carry to pass on every lesson that we've learned the hard way and the knowledge of the impossibility of the task and the fact that our children will probably have to learn their own lessons the hard way, anyway! But I know in this short time that I do have with my daughter, I can make a (hopefully!) positive impact on her life.

I have to be so careful about what I say, or even how I perceive myself, because whether I want her to or not, Audrey will emulate me, especially in her youth. I want her to be confident, to love Jesus, to be compassionate and forgiving, among so many other things. Because of that, I have to be those things as well.

Even at two years old, I already see trying to be like me. Sometimes it's wonderful, like when she hugs me tightly and says, "I love you sooo much!" which is exactly what I say to her. Sometimes it's just in her expressions or silliness. But I know the time is coming when I'll recognize in her something that's not good in me.

I guess, in her own way, Audrey is teaching me to live the way I should have been living all along. By pursuing Jesus, by being healthier, by being kind, by prioritizing my time. It's still a struggle, but now I not only see the results in my own life, but in her's as well. So this burden that I carry is pushing me to improve myself and be the best mother I can be.

I feel the need to quote Frasier here:

F: "I meant burden in it's nicest sense!" F's dad: "As in, 'gee, what a lovely burden!'??"

This is indeed a "lovely burden".

Related: What I've Learned from Audrey: Love

30 Days of Thanks: Day 25

I've considered changing the title of these post to "Days of Thanks" because clearly I've missed a few postings, but I decided not to. Even though I haven't posted, I've been very conscious of what I am thankful for every day because I know I should be posting. I should probably try to keep this up all year, since it's giving me a more grateful spirit! Today I am thankful for all the people that love my daughter (almost) as much as I do. It gives me such joy to know that other people see in her the wonders that I see. And even more so, I'm thankful that Jesus loves her even more than I do. What peace that brings me! No matter what happens to me, there will be other people in this world to love my baby. And no matter what happens to her, she will always be in God's loving hands.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 20

Today I'm so thankful for God's provision over my life. Today I almost hit a deer while I was driving on one of our windy, wooded, back roads. I've never had to swerve to miss hitting a deer before, and it was quite traumatic. I realized if there had been an oncoming car, or if I hadn't been paying attention, things could have been a lot different. So I am thankful we are safe (my daughter was in the car with me!), and I'm thankful That my life is in God's hands. I'm so thankful that He takes care of me.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 13

OK, I've decided to stop "cheating" and just skip a few days. It doesn't mean I wasn't thankful on those days though! But I guess I was less intentional about it. I probably should have done this on Twitter just to start with, but I like the chance to write not only what I'm thankful for, but why. Today I am thankful for texting. Now, before you dismiss this as silliness, let me explain my reasons. First of all, in the busyness of life, sometimes it's hard to keep up with your precious old friends. But it's so easy to write a text and just let them know you are thinking of them, or ask them how they are. Or even remind them of an old inside joke. I send those a lot, and I love to receive them!

Secondly, I have a failing when it comes to meeting new people. I don't come across as friendly. I get nervous. I trip over my words. It takes a while for me to get to know someone, so in the meantime, I can text them! I can plan exactly what I want to say and not worry about not being able to find the right word. It can really be helpful for me as a way to build new relationships.

So yes, today I'm thankful for texting as a means of continuing and building friendships. And even though it's embarrassing to admit this, I can't be the only one because otherwise, why has texting become so popular?

30 Days of Thanks: Days 5-8

Ok, so this is cheating a bit, but even though I didn't write the actual post, I was thinking about what I was thankful for on each day, which I will now record. Day 5: I'm thankful for my cozy, little home. Day 6: I'm thankful that my parents live nearby and that Audrey will have them in her life. Day 7: I'm thankful for the changing seasons that keep life interesting, and the snow that makes everything seem so pure and beautiful. Day 8: I'm thankful for new friends.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 4

Tonight I'm thankful for books on tape. I grew up watching my grandmother listening/falling asleep to books on tape and wondered why she enjoyed them so much. But in the past year, I've really started to understand. Not only is it so fun and almost comforting to be read to, it's also a great way to multitask! Have you ever tried to multitask while reading? Almost impossible! But with books on tape, I can do anything else at the same time: exercising, chores, crocheting, playing games on ipad, or even writing blog posts! I feel like I'm getting a lot of reading done, despite not having a chance to pick up a book recently! So that makes me really thankful.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 3

Today we got our power back! This past week after Hurricane Sandy was not fun, so I'm definitely thankful to have our power back (and to all the people who are working tirelessly to get it all fixed)! But instead of making that my topic, I'd instead like to be thankful for many of the things we DID have this past week: A place to stay during and after the storm Safety for my family A wood burning fire place A gas grill Good fellowship with my parents An ipad for Audrey to watch movies at night A warm bed with tons of blankets

I'm sure I could go on and on, despite my complaining of no power, but these posts are supposed to be short!

30 Days of Thanks: Day 1

Since today is November 1, I've decided to try to post a new thankful post every day (not an original idea, but one I liked enough to steal). Today, I'm thankful for language. That may sound a little bit weird, but I am a blogger, right? But, more importantly, my daughter used her first few sentences today, and one of them was "Mommy, I love you." Only it was way cuter than that because love came out "Wuv" and my heart completely melted. I am so thankful that she is learning to use language to get her thoughts, needs, and feelings across. Wouldn't it be so frustrating not to be able to do that?

So that's what I'm thankful for today.

I'm a Hobbit

OK, so that title was misleading, because now you think you're going to read yet another post on the Lord of the Rings (or some other type of fantasy fiction) from me, right?  Yesterday, I said to my husband, "You know what I've just learned about myself? I have a lot of hobbies. Way too many hobbies. So many hobbies that many of them get put on the back burner to make room for new hobbies, and then make a reappearance once in a while. In fact, I have a wish list of hobbies that I want to take up once I have the time and money."

And he, knowing my penchant for anything LOTR said, "So you're saying you're a hobbit?"

Isn't he witty? What a funny play on words.

Anyway, as any avid reader of my blog knows, I have a lot of hobbies, which means I have a lot of unfinished projects. But I've started to notice a pattern this year: I have made a concerted effort to finish things I've previously left undone.

You know that stack of books you have on your nightstand that you've been working your way through for years, but in the meantime you've read a whole bunch of more entertaining books? This year I've made significant progress on them.

And even today, I pulled out a blanket I had begun knitting over two years ago and put a couple hours work into it.

I think having a lot of hobbies is good. I pride myself on having a lot of interests, of doing a lot of reading, of trying new things, and having the ability to do a lot of things (notice I leave out the word "well"). But I think there's a lot of value in finishing what you started, as well. It's about commitment and perseverance and getting back up after you fall. It's something I want to teach Audrey, so it's something I want her to see in me as well.

OK, so finishing a boring book or an ugly little afghan doesn't sound like a big deal. But it is to me.

So before I take up any new hobbies (my latest fascination is cupcake decorating - hence all the new items on my Amazon wish list), I'm making big efforts to tie up old projects. And because any post of mine wouldn't be the same without a list, here is my list of current hobbies/projects:

  • crocheting (toys, blankets, gifts, slippers, etc)

  • knitting (not the same thing as crocheting, believe me)

  • sewing (just a few small blankets, maybe a couple dolls, oh, and a little purse or two)

  • painting (Paper app on iPad, pottery)

  • writing (this blog, other blogs)

  • reading (pile of boring books, the infamous Summer Reading List, WoT, and my wonderful new subscription to Audible.com)

  • other various crafty things (see my Pinterest boards!)

  • walking (not sure if this counts as a hobby, but I do it every day and I realized my list was sounding very sedentary...)

(I wish I could still count many other things, but my time is otherwise spoken for. But as I said, the above is a current list. I'll make another list next year and it will be drastically different!)

All in all, I think that list shows that my husband is right: I am a hobbit!

I can't stand frogs who speak English.

I've been watching a lot of Curious George recently. I don't mean that as a complaint, because it is a cute show, and certainly better than a lot of children's shows! But in watching it, I've realized that I am now officially a grown up. It all started a few years ago when I read The Wind in the Willows and hated it (read my reasons why here). That should have been my first clue! I had such issues with a frog who could pass for a cleaning woman and animals that could apparently speak English. These are not issues that would bother a child!

When I was young, I lived in another world. I had pretend friends (yes, that's plural), a pretend unicorn (I guess I don't need the word "pretend" there), and like I said, a pretend world (called "Magic Land"). It was located on the rings of Saturn and I would ride my unicorn around them all day! (I also had two older brothers, Peter and Bobby, who interestingly looked a lot like their namesakes on The Brady Bunch.)

And what language do you think my unicorn spoke? English!

Now I watch Curious George and I wonder, how do all these people not realize their waiter is a monkey? Why is that restaurant reviewer not bothered by the monkey making her soup? Aren't there health code violations here?

But Audrey just giggles and makes monkey sounds.

So here I am, a boring, old, grown-up. Apparently, I can't find the magic in life any more.* But on the other hand, I have a beautiful, little daughter who is just discovering that monkeys can make soup and frogs can speak English, so maybe I can pretend with her a little while longer.

*Maybe this isn't really true, given that my favorite genre is fantasy fiction! Why don't I have a problem with worlds that are inhabited by hobbits, elves, wizards, and all sorts of other magical creatures, but it really bothers me when frogs dress up as cleaning women to escape prison???

A Few Quotes

As I work through Mere Christianity, I thought I'd post a few quotes that are worth remembering:

"God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other. That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on a level witht the man who says he is a poached egg - or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."

After that amazing chapter, I start to wonder why I am not reading a little of this book every day? Why do I put it off so often? What good reminders of the kind of God we serve.

What I've Learned from Audrey: Love

I started writing a post entitled "What I've Learned from Audrey" and had so many points listed out, I thought instead that it could be a series, of which this is the first. When I first started writing that post, I'll be honest, it was just to get one done in the month of May. But it really caused me to start thinking about the past 15 months, all I've learned, and how much I've changed through motherhood. And once in a while, a little introspection is probably a good thing. Before becoming a mother, I can't say I really knew love. Yes, I love my husband, my parents, my friends and family. But the love a mother (or father, but I can't attest to that personally) feels for her child is the most intense, fierce, gentle, terrifying, wonderful thing I've ever known.

Even though I don't have as much time as I'd like to spend in quiet meditation, I'm learning more than I ever did about God's love for me. How could he possibly love me more than I love Audrey? How could he love Audrey more than I love her? But He does, and that makes me love Him all the more.

Anyone who even compliments Audrey in some small way endears themselves to me. How much more someone who loves her more fiercely, gently, sacrificially than I do?

Love is also terrifying. I read somewhere that being a parent is like wearing your heart on the outside of your body. You are intensely vulnerable. Even when Audrey just pushes me away in favor of someone else, my heart breaks a little. What will happen when she leaves me for good? Or even worse, what if something ever happened to her?

Love opens a whole new door to fears, but it also reminds me of the hope that I have. This life isn't it for us who believe. We will all meet again in heaven, and my heart clings to that.

Every day I pray for Audrey's faith. I want her to have that hope, too. I want her to love Jesus more than anything. That has become my deepest desire.

Motherhood has led me on such a journey: one of faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Cor. 13:13). So thank you, my sweet Audrey, for teaching me so much about it.

 

Counting to One Hundred

Every day I spend some time teaching Audrey in various ways. I'm teaching her the alphabet, the States, Bible verses, and her numbers. Yes, I know, she's only one, so I'm not sure she's really getting any of it. But I know she will someday. Right now it's mostly a way for me to spend time with her and play a little make-believe (I'm the teacher, she's the unruly student!). As I sing through numbers one through ten with her, I'm reminded of the very first time I was able to count to one hundred. It was such an exciting moment for me, and not as hard as I had previously thought it would be. So, just to extend my appreciation to the person who taught me how, I thought I'd write him a thank you note:

Dear Random Man on Chair Lift,

I've spend a lot of time thinking about you recently, like, why were you and I sharing a chair lift together? Why did my parents let me ride up with a stranger? Why were we sharing a four-person ski lift when there were just two of us? What made us start counting to a hundred in the first place? Were you bored out of your mind, or did you think it was funny?

I guess I'll never get answers to those questions, but I do know I have you to thank for counting to one hundred. Who knows, I may never have been able to do it without you! Your careful guidance through the tens, teens, twenties, and so on, made a distinct impression on my young life. I'm so glad you were there to share my joy at such a great accomplishment.

So thank you again, random guy on a chair lift. I hope you remember it as fondly as I do. And thank you, as well, for not being a pervert.

Sincerely,

Amy

He probably will never see that thank you note, but I feel better just sending it out into cyberspace.

So now, I will continue teaching Audrey and passing on that fount of knowledge passed on to me from that random guy. Hopefully her memories of the great one hundred will be just as sweet.

A Problem with Februarys

Birthday Girl

Birthday Girl

February has become a wonderful month for me, as last year it brought the birth of our daughter, and this year was the celebration of her first year. But along with that, and maybe because of that, I seem to neglect my blog in that month. So, for the first time in 5 or so years (last year I let myself pre-date a blog post due to the circumstances, but I don't think I have an excuse for that this year), I missed a month on this blog. I am ashamed that I let it get away from me, especially when all I really needed to do was post the following adorable picture and all would have been OK.

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Books Read in 2011

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List of books read in 2011. Unfortunately, I over-estimated how many I had read (since several are quite long), and I didn't get any of my Summer Reading books done! But at least I still met my goal. We'll Meet Again by Mary Higgins Clark Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality by Laura A Jana & Jennifer Shu The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan The Titan's Curse by Rick Riordan The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan Teach Your Baby to Sign by Monica Beyer Your Pregnancy Week by Week by Dr. Glade B. Curtis & Judith Schuler What to Expect when you're expecting by Heidi Murkoff & Sharon Mazel The Proposal by Lori Wick The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery The Dragon Reborn by Robert Jordan The Shadow Rising by Robert Jordan Fires of Heaven by Robert Jordan Lord of Chaos by Robert Jordan Twilight by Stephanie Meyer New Moon by Stephanie Meyer Home by Choice by Brenda Hunter

Add me as a friend on Goodreads if you are interested in my thoughts on any of these!

Hot Blog Posts of 2011!

One of my annual resolutions is to write at least one blog post per month, but last year I resolved to not just "phone it in" with them, and may I say, I think I succeeded. So here's the list of my favorites from 2011: Audrey's Birth Story - Since we are coming up on a year already, I just wanted to take a minute to remember everything that happened on that amazing day! OK, you may not want to reread it, so this is just for me.

Fuzz or Bug? - Nothing much, just kinda funny.

My Life Verse - I'm not proud of all my posts, but I am proud of this one.

Our Senses - Ditto.

My Things-To-Do List - This turned into a much bigger deal than I intended! In fact, believe it or not, I have been planning a book based on this post.

Randomness... - I would not have included this one, except that it got the most feedback of any of my posts, probably ever!

Balancing Mary and Martha - This is a post that I should read every so often, just to remind me of what's important.

Staring at the Sky - Ditto.

 

Related Posts: Hot Blog Posts of 2010! Hot Blog Posts of 20o9!

Staring at the Sky

A few nights ago, while I was taking Hugo out, I noticed how bright it was outside and glanced up in the sky. It was an enormous full moon, or at least it seemed larger than usual to me. I was awestruck by how clear it was, even as the clouds raced past its surface. It made me feel small and insignificant, and made me realize how huge and majestic the Creator of all of it is. I stared for a while longer before I remembered my purpose in coming out and lowered my eyes to look for Hugo. That's when I noticed the Christmas lights and decorations at our neighbor's house across the street and it really hit me again what this Season is all about. It's about the enormous becoming small.

It's about the Creator visiting his Creation.

It's about giving up living among the stars, in order to live under them.

It's about looking at the majesty and vastness of the universe then looking at the Christmas lights on a small house.

Our God, who is above the sky, who can hold the whole Earth in his hand, who was there before there was, came down to us out of love. What a beautiful story! How can we not be swept up by it this time of year? How extraordinary that we can be a part of it! How sad is it that some people don't know about it.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father

Philippians 2:5-11 (The Message)